I have adult acne. While I appreciate the fact that it keeps me young at heart, I resent that it keeps me shackled to my keyboard, endlessly researching new and innovative developments in skincare technology. I am by no means a rich woman; regardless, I treat each alleged breakthrough (usually presented in the form of an advertisement featuring a model in a lab coat) as an opportunity to open my wallet and scream "fix me!" at whatever corporation claims to have my best interest at heart. In spite of the thousands of dollars I've hemorrhaged on the cause thus far, I have not yet been fixed. Which is why, for a week at least, I've decided to give up on chasing this financially and emotionally draining dream.
Emboldened by tales extolling coconut oil as a miracle in a jar, I'll be using it as a cleanser. But why stop there? After all, facial products aren't the only things I waste my money on. My entire beauty routine, from head to toe, will therefore be 100% au naturel. My only rule? If it's edible, it's fair game. My reasoning behind this is simple–if I can buy it at the grocery store, I can use EBT to pay for it. Now, before you judge, dig this neat little theory I just came up with: If I look better, it'll give me the self-confidence necessary to pull myself up by the bootstraps, earn a decent-paying job and stop suckling at the government's teat. Really, I'm helping you
, John Q. Taxpayer, help myself
. Reagan would be so proud! (Style icon Nancy Reagan, I mean).
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