Herding Cats: Our Favorite Savings Stories for the Week of October 18th

All of today's articles serving as virtual shooting-range targets for my warped sense of comprehension share the same general theme: food. It's something I admittedly don't know much about anymore due to the diet plan I've followed over the last few months, the likes of which limits my life sustaining nutritional intake to non-processed foods best described as boring.

Being a creature of habit and patterned processes carefully refined over time to yield more positive results than negative, I welcome this mundane feeding process which lacks in both general good taste and creativity, but serves up a healthy portion of predictability. Thank goodness for you, the news articles on the menu today subscribe to anything but...

• Consumerist: Stingy Scoundrel Explains How to Save on Groceries by Price Matching - I came across this new book that parodies the concept of personal finance, and I'm not talking about my own checkbook. This book suggests one can save big on an engagement ring by purchasing a cubic zirconium ring and passing it off as a family heirloom, or making your milk last longer by pouring it back into the carton after eating the cereal, or cutting down on your tobacco and lung cancer budget by not smoking. The author presents the information as if it were a joke, but there exists a serious group of perpetual scrapers that could realistically benefit from this information--beginning and ending with college students.

• Consumer Reports: Kellogg's Redefines the Concept of Branding - In short, Kellogg's has built a cool laser gun that shoots their brand name into the side of your corn flakes. This acts as a highly advanced signal to the guy hovering over his cereal bowl, drooling milk with slightly bent spoon in hand, that the flakes crumbling up in his grill are the real deal. If the technology takes off, I predict college students lobby to laser their names and addresses into their bums since most are broke (no need for a wallet), end up misplaced and passed out face down with their drawers around their ankles at various times during their college careers. This would be a great alternative to interfacing with campus security or the sheriffs department. Oh, wait--this can be achieved with a simple tattoo. Man, college kids just aren't that bright.

• WalletPop: Foods 50% Sugar Labeled Smart Choices? - This piece is about sugar which I don't have the slightest recollection as to what that actually tastes like (sugar makes us happy, which is not boring and therefore, remains off limits to my patterned existence). The general feeling here is that some major food providers have been irresponsible with their nutritional labeling and presenting some foods as smart choices for youngsters by focusing attention on low calorie fat content and drawing consumer's attention away from sugar. I don't know about you, but if I see that some edible item contains an ant hill's worth of sugar, I don't need the FDA to "warn" me with a menacing red light nonchalantly hoping I'll realize it probably isn't in the best interest of my waist line, let alone my kids' attention deficit disorder.

• The Big Money: A Diet of Sweet Nothings - As a California resident, I'm just giddy to see the media turn their attention away from our sorry state of affairs for an instant and rip Florida as a bunch of sleazebags. Upon reading this piece, it's clear one can get away with a lot in Florida and the author here provides us with several great ideas. At least one Florida local is guilty of falling for a scam called the "cookie diet." Sure, I think I've heard about it before--eat cookies all day and you'll lose weight. Makes sense, right? Well, it actually works! Some people have lost as much as 40 pounds on this 1,000 calorie/day high-carb, high-sugar nutritional crap fest. Look--if I had the excuse of being kicked in the temple by an equus asinus (a "donkey" for those of you not as sober as me), I'd be skipping the cookies and going straight for one of those special helmets that allows me to wear and drink beer from my head. What scares me most is that these people probably haven't been kicked in the head by a donkey (though it doesn't hurt as much when heavily intoxicated)...

• WiseBread: Three Ways Paying Off Credit Cards is Like Playing Beer Pong - Frankly, with this one I didn't feel compelled to venture too far beyond the title since an influx of memories from my younger college years overwhelmed me (which was reassuring since those memories, by the way, consist mostly of blacking out). Ultimately, a prevailing epiphany came over me: If I'm playing beer pong every night of the week, how can I possibly be concerned with my credit card bills? Someone in the house has to pay for the beer--and I can guarantee you that no-one is getting the mail.

• Fake Receipt Generator: Baffling or Brilliant - Duh...Brilliant! I can't afford top shelf vodka on my salary, but now that I know I can throw back a couple liters of my favorite past time elixir with a few buddies from work and disguise it as an uncontrollable spending spree at the Office Supply Hut in downtown Brooklyn...well, I'm doomed, because I'll have to come up with $300 worth of paper (and an excuse for why I was in Brooklyn). How is this a good idea again?