Bah, Humbug!

The holiday season is in full swing.  Silver bells, cinnamon spice and Christmas cheer.  It's also a time of crazed crowds, family dysfunction and anxiety-induced stress.

Thank goodness it's only once a year!

As much as I look forward to seasonal light displays (the tackier, the better!), my favorite holiday specials and the period of self-reflection that wrapping up one year before heading off into another brings, there are some holiday traditions I could do without...

Fruitcake:  On the surface, this seems like a no-brainer.  Fruit = good, cake = even better.  What could possibly be wrong with fruitcake?  Hey, people--there's a reason that referring to a person as a fruitcake is a derogatory remark.  Despite the name, fruitcake is a largely inedible brick-like substance better used as a doorstop than as sustenance.  I'm pretty sure all fruitcakes in existence were baked in the 1930s and have been passed around from person to unlucky recipient like some never-ending game of hot potato.

Holiday Newsletters:  As email continues to decimate the tradition of communicating via the US Postal Service, chances are the number of holiday cards you receive this year will be much less than last year.  But, there is no escape from the holiday newsletter.  Whether it's a multi-page handwritten missive photocopied one thousand times or a scrolling email complete with picture attachments mailed to every single contact in the sender's address list, you will receive at least one this year.  Despite the fact that we're in a recession and 50% of your friends are unemployed, said holiday newsletter will be a non-stop recitation of accomplishments and good fortune that reads like it was written by the Salahi's PR firm.

Weight Gain:  'Tis the season to pig out!  Forget figgy pudding--it's the Christmas cookies, party food and carb-heavy side dishes that will pack on the pounds this December.  By the time the season ends, you really DO need to make that New Years resolution to go to the gym.  Solution:  Instead of being tempted by Christmas cookies, keep a fruitcake in the house.  Trust me--you will NOT be tempted to eat it!

Christmas Kitsch:  Christmas tree sweaters, Santa earrings, a Rudolph pin complete with light-up nose.  There is such thing as too much of a good thing.  Decorating a Christmas tree:  good.  Decorating yourself as if you were a Christmas tree:  very, very bad!

Norman Rockwell-ized Holiday Commercials:  You know the ones--surprised wife opens a box with a diamond necklace and gives loving husband a teary-eyed hug, husband surrounded by blah gifts opens a small box with a key to brand new Mercedes with big red bow sitting out in the driveway, cherub-faced tot races down the stairs just in time to see Santa flying up the chimney.  Like Christmas is all sugarplums and fairy dust instead of wrong sizes, forgotten batteries, crumpled and torn wrapping paper and lopsided lighting when that one bulb burns out killing an entire strand of lights...

Eggnog:  I'll take my eggs scrambled, thank you very much and my rum with Coca-Cola.  What the heck is "nog" anyway?

What are some holiday traditions that you could do without?  Share your rants thoughts with us in the comments!