Billeater: Who Pays on a First Date?

The history of dating is steeped in chivalry. Until the eighties, women were either grossly underpaid or not employed at all, and this led to the expectation that the man would foot the bill for the evening's plans. Now that men don't walk around with clubs slung over their shoulders, it's time to look at the first date in a new light.

We're no longer living in the era of bobby socks and today's mores demand that we recognize the contemporary woman who is independent, self-sufficient and a competitive wage-earner. Indeed, a recent television network dating survey revealed that just over half of women offer to pay on any date, including the first one.

So, with both sexes considered equal, who should pay on the first date? The assertive, resourceful woman who asks a man out might say, "May I take you to dinner Friday night?" This query leaves no ambiguity as to who will be picking up the check and instead of offering to help with the bill, a clever fellow will say, "Thanks for dinner. I'll get the tab next time," which is a nicely nuanced suggestion for a second date. To preclude any debate, slip your server a credit card at the top of the meal. To compromise, allow your date to cover the tip.

The cited survey also indicated that of the men who initiate the request for the date, nearly 70% preferred that the woman share the tab. This sentiment can be conveyed in subtle wording of the initial request, as neither "Would you like to go bowling Thursday night?" nor "Why don't we meet for lunch Tuesday?" carries an implied desire to pay for the date. In fact, it's simply expected in our current social culture that the individual who does the asking will foot the bill.

Some people believe that the person who makes more money should pick up the check. This idea is nothing more than first-date napalm! Issues of income are a mine field, and no matter how delicately put, the question is too probing--and not in that good 'second base' kind of way.

Increasingly, first encounters are the product of online dating or chat rooms. At this point, we must address first-date frugality. If your first date is also your first face-to-face meeting, the experience is generally an opportunity to determine whether the person in that profile picture has conversation skills, a sense of humor, and a full set of teeth.

Because any of those could be missing, plan a cheap date. If you live in a college town, you're really lucky because universities program dozens of free concerts, cultural events and film screenings for cash-strapped students. Outdoor activities like your city's summer concert series are excellent social opportunities and have the added veneer of being 'artsy.' Regardless of who pays, activities like these won't tax your wallet.

Source: "It's Complicated Who Pays on Dates"

Jessica Bosari writes for the money-saving site, Billeater.com. The site is devoted to helping people reduce expenses, save money and find great deals. Pay Billeater a visit for more money-saving tips!