Budget Romeo: Five Tips for Romance on a Budget

Let's face it:  Valentine's Day has become expensive. It's also become a cesspool of clichés. The good thing is that the more you avoid clichés, the less money you'll have to spend.

Here are a few ways to make your lady think you're both chivalrous and creative.

1. Say it: I've never really understood the concept of buying a Hallmark card, then giving it to someone in hopes that they're moved by the cute little haiku the team at Hallmark cooked up. Has anyone ever been genuinely moved by one of these cards? If you have been moved by them, let me take this opportunity to remind you that the person who gave this to you did not write the haiku, he did not think of the haiku, and he might not even have read the haiku. All he did was pay $4.95 for it. How this is a socially accepted practice is beyond me.
   My point is that you should save the $4.95 and write your own cards. Maybe make a list of all the things you love about her, or a list of fond memories of times spent together. Or if you're really creative, write her a poem or song. Just please keep the clichés to a minimum -- she doesn't want to hear a poem about how her eyes are as blue as the ocean and her hair smells like a warm, spring rain. Actually, that's not bad. Feel free to use that.
2. Do it: Let's be honest, nobody actually eats boxes of chocolates. Maybe people will try one or two, but then they just sit on a coffee table until April, at which point they get thrown out. Instead of a buying her a pre-packaged box of candy, why not make her a batch of chocolate chip cookies? I recommend making a few of them in the shape of her favorite animal. What girl isn't a sucker for a tiger cookie? None that I want to hang out with. Perhaps you could wrap each cookie in some red and pink tissue paper. Maybe every cookie is in a different shape so you can tell her that life is like a box of cookies. Okay, maybe don't tell her that.
3. Cook it: Skip the expensive dinner out and opt for a romantic dinner IN. Light candles, prepare a delicious dinner for two and voila!  Or you can go to Whole Foods, buy a Roasted chicken for $6.95, take it home, put it in a pan, and stuff it in your oven. If you have time you can actually cook up some side dish like boiled broccoli. Pull the chicken out of the oven 10 minutes after she arrives and she'll think you've been slaving away all day. I have no idea if a chicken can be roasted in an oven, but let's assume she won't know either.
4. Show it: Put together a slide show of your favorite photos of the two of you and add in "your song" as the background accompaniment. Just to make sure she's paying attention, every tenth picture or so you should put in a random photo of some dude off the internet. She'll think it's weird at first but eventually she'll find it amusing. Just trust me. Or you can opt for the non-virtual version with a photobook from an online photo service like Snapfish or Shutterfly (Savings.com has some coupons). But if you do this, just remember that it's all about the presentation. Wrap your old laptop in a bow and give it to her with a kiss. As you give it to her, you might want to clarify that you're not giving her a used computer for Valentine's Day...
5. Save it: Before you shell out for that expensive perfume or piece of jewelry as a Valentine's gift, check for online Valentines coupons at Savings.com.

These are just a few ideas, but you should remember that the more original your gift is, the more it seems like you actually THOUGHT about her. Just make sure you can somehow make an association between your gift and her. I once gave a girl an African tribal mask for Valentine's Day. At the time I thought it was a really cool, original idea. But when she asked me why I got this for her, I didn't have a good answer other than that it was really cool. It was, in fact, a very cool mask. I still have it on my wall (she didn't take it when she moved out). Anyway, now that I think about it, you might want to avoid masks altogether.