Herding Cats: Apple Ping, Android vs. iPhone and the Double Rainbow Guy

Shout out to my main man, derek70x7, for ditching the skirt and rustling up the best of this week's web. 

Wired: Apple's "Ping" Social Network is Already Too Big to Fail - Hey look! Jobs is at it again, this time revolutionizing the way we listen to music by integrating social networking, sans the creepy. Apple's newest product--"Ping"--aggregates your listening habits, your friends' listening habits (the ones you approve of), and then matches and suggests new artists that you'd like. If you're thinking this is sort of like an online, shared extension of Genius, then you're about half right (so still half wrong). Ping pulls data from Twitter, Facebook, your iPhone/iPod Touch and Last.fm instead of solely from your iTunes library, and notifies you of what your friends are listening to, hot music trends, and of course, how to buy the track or album via iTunes with just one click. What we're still waiting on is a location-aware feature--meaning the ability for us to figure out what's hot out here in LA, versus what's bumpin' in the clubs of NYC. Translation: those Che posters we got in the dorm rooms should probably be replaced with Jobs in a turtleneck.

Gizmodo: So, No Free National Broadband For Us After All - OK, so everybody in the United States won't be getting free internet. While this probably sucks for some, the odds are that if you're reading this blog, an internet connection speed of 768kb/s is at least half (or in my case, 97%) as slow as the one you're using at the moment. Despite the FCC being so gung-ho about the idea, it seems that it wasn't the best "policy" decision for the government. Why? Probably because the ISPs were @#$%ing themselves thinking about all the undeserved money they earn by ripping people off with spotty, less-than-advertised service. Lobbyists really get it done in DC, don't they?

Consumerist: Lloyd's of London Hopes Troy Polamalu Doesn't Get Male Pattern Baldness - You feel that? That was Samson rolling over in his grave. Polamalu took out a $1 million insurance policy on his locks which, to be frank, remind me more of matted hobos than beautiful dreads. Lloyd's has declined to comment on exactly what extent of damage is necessary to qualify Polamalu to recover cash, so I'm actually hoping he's targeted on the field for hair-tackles instead of knee tackles. But seriously, how pissed would you be if you were Samson?

Mainstreet: Android, iPhone Users Will Never Get Along - We already knew that the hate between Android and Apple fanboys was stronger than Luke's hatred of his Uncle when he wasn't allowed to go to Tashi Station to pick up some power converters (in Episode IV, in case you're wondering...), but a report by Coupons.com and Grocery IQ suggests that there is more to the hate than just platform preference. The data shows, relatively, that Android users love pork ribs, have pet birds, and prefer disposable swim pants (WTF?), whereas iPhone users eat chicken, have pet fish and prefer disposable diapers. This data can suggest some wild things, if you believe it. For my part, I think the sample and sample size is inherently skewed and is just a representation of how weird people at Coupons.com are. If you don't want to be weird, stick with Savings.com, folks--or else it's statistically certain you'll be jonesin' for some ribs while wearing some sort of diaper.

Mainstreet: Germany Mulls Ban on Facebook Firings - Seventy years pass and our pointy-helmeted, notoriously rigid German friends have done a complete about face in terms of social policy? A new bill about to be introduced to the legislature makes it illegal (to the extent that a $379,000 fine will be imposed on the infringing party) for an employer to use social networking information in their hiring or firing decision. The good news is that employment in Germany will probably skyrocket, as three-quarters of Human Resource professionals research prospective employees on social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter before hiring them. But why the bill, you ask? It's an issue of legal privacy, which we won't get into. What I will get into, however, is a bottle of Patron and bevy of strippers whenever possible.

Switched.com: Double Rainbow Guy Shills for Microsoft - Double rainbows are fantastic for retired cage fighters, those still experiencing the after-effects of last night's LSD tab and, apparently, management at Windows Live Photo Gallery. The folks there have decided to enlist the talents of the infamous "Double Rainbow" video maker to shoot a Windows Live commercial where he takes three pictures in succession and then combines them into one panorama shot. What really got me here is that they could have done so much with it, but utterly failed. I'd rather watch the auto tune remix and then randomly be slapped with a Windows Live Photo Gallery logo at the end. Win some, lose some.

I release thee. Go forth and be merry on this weekend of thy Labour; betwixt the gaiety of life and the folly of imbibement, we shall find meaning.