Herding Cats: British Supervillain Hoards Chocolate Supply, Dutch Guy Brews 120-Proof Beer and Some Very Disgusting Ice Cream Flavors

For some reason all the articles I found for this week's roundup are food-and-drink-related, so I decided to have our village idiot iHuppp help me out and sandwich my gastronews between two fresh-baked technology buns. So thanks iHuppp!

Although apologies in advance for his many gratuitous Lord of the Rings references...

Engadget: Seven Physical Keys Serve As The Internet's Horcrux - (iHuppp) An estimated 8% of Internet activity is fraudulent, directing you to look-a-like websites designed to steal critical personal information. Although I've never myself been a victim of online fraud, I am immensely relieved to know my beloved Internet has neither a master kill switch nor a dark lord capable of puppeteering it behind the scenes. It seems super-secret ICANN (Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers) cast the idea of one ring to rule them all into the fires of Mt. Doom, and instead opted for a slightly less ridiculous seven-ring scheme involving Burkina Faso and Trinidad and Tobago. This new system allows the internet to reboot its authentication key--essentially a cryptographic string of characters designed to make sure a website is who they say they are. Five of seven members must meet in Rivendell and share their part of the master key to reboot the DNSSEC (Domain Name Security System). It will probably never be clear as to why Burkina Faso and Trinidad & Tobago were selected to safeguard something becoming increasingly important, so let's just hope T&T's Jet-Ski Navy and Burkina Faso's…rocks…are enough to ward off cyberterrorists.

Consumerist: High Alcohol Content Beer War Continues With 60% ABV Brew - (derek70x7) You can always depend on me to bring you the latest breaking news in Europe's procession of gasoline-strength brews. This week's heavyweight champ, some Dutch guy, had to hit the 120-proof mark to secure the title belt, so I guess next week another insane brewer will concoct something even more absurd to beat him. But really, unless they're going to put it in a keg and stuff the keg inside a dead grizzly bear, they're not going to top last week's $760-bottle-of-beer-in-a-rodent-carcass.

ESPN: The Complete List Of Stadium Health Inspection Summaries, Sorted By State - (derek70x7) Browse through this compendium if you've been to a North American pro sporting event in the past year and want to totally gross yourself out! It's hard to establish a pattern to determine what regions generally have the most "critical violations," but I'd say that you should stick to stadiums in California, the upper Midwest, or Canada if you don't want your $8.50 hot dog and $6.50 small soda teeming with microorganisms.

The Gloss: The 10 Weirdest Ice Cream Flavors - (derek70x7) You be the judge on how many of these delicacies would immediately induce vomiting in the average person: haggis ice cream, collagen lemon ice cream, sardines & brandy ice cream, squid ink ice cream, caviar ice cream, candied bacon ice cream, Dracula cool garlic mint ice cream, Viagra ice cream, salad ice cream, and foie gras ice cream. The good news is that this post is now ultra-SEO-friendly for masochistic ice cream fetishists, but the bad news is I (almost) puked all over my keyboard while typing that list.

The New York Times: Trader's Cocoa Binge Wraps Up Chocolate Market - (derek70x7) Anthony Ward, hated by his competitors in the cocoa industry, has been dubbed "Chocolatefinger" by the British media for buying up 7% of the world's cocoa supply and then betting $1 billion on cocoa futures in the London market. He's clearly trying to create a shortage to increase the value of his own cocoa cache--but is he planning on contaminating everyone else's cocoa with nuclear radiation? Is there a Fort Knox for chocolate? I hope so.

Gizmodo: A Humble Russian Man Presents His CPU Collection - (iHuppp) After witnessing the astounding 500+ CPU collection of this humble Russian hoarder I was only able to think two things: first, that the Proletariat is back; second, that with an identically sweeping grandiose and smug gesture his only possible words could be "CPU's, I has them." It's fairly obvious I'm simply consumed with jealousy, so I'm going to point out that his so-called "collection" lacks ARM, National Semiconductor, SPARC and AMD Bitslice CPUs--as well as a mini giraffe. Still, if he were to have bought these when first released, you'd figure he'd have spent about $250,000 modern USD (assuming each processor costs roughly $300-$500 after some fuzzy economic adjustment). Props to you, comrade--you make me feel better about my OCD aluminum fetish.

Thanks for bearing with our tag-team this week. And remember, if you happen to run into iHuppp "IRL," as they say, just walk in the opposite direction.