Pets at Home: Cohabitation vs. Cleanliness

When I first adopted my dog, Lucy, a friend informed me that I would never have an immaculate house again. Ten years later, I have to agree, but the benefits of unconditional love and countless hours of doggie adventures far outweigh the quest for a hair-free/dirt-free zone.

To cohabitate with a pet is to feel comfortable wearing that pet on your clothes and furniture, and for dog owners, your car. But what's a little hair and dirt between friends? Please! No need to despair…not in the age of "Products for Your Every Need!"

Some folks train their pets to stay off the furniture and cleverly point to a doggie bed in the corner, where the dog and sometimes even the cats dutifully report for sleep/security duty. I have not been so wise. I am a pet pushover. My cat lived for 21 years and it took 20 of those years to keep her off the kitchen table and counters. Short of hiring a pet whisperer, reading yet another book or attending a military boot camp to learn disciplining skills, I have resorted to products to keep the hair, dirt and frustration at bay.

First off, try this brilliant idea and buy a sofa cover that matches the color of your pet's hair. Lucy is a red-haired chow and to this day, I marvel at how she compliments my gold-toned couch. I am also easily convinced that the couch is reasonably clean between compulsive vacuuming sessions.

On another note, white couches are for crazy people and belong in the lobbies of insane asylums. I can't be friends with you if you have a white couch; it's just way too much pressure to be perfect. Pets and kids love white couches, however, so you will be forever adored. Also, you will be witness to the law of attraction as debris from all over the Universe magnetizes right to your couch.

I dig the Pledge Fabric Sweeper for Pet Hair. It works great in lieu of vacuuming and washing. It's a great product, but if you want to go old school, moisten a rubber glove and move it around in circular motions to lift balls of hair at a time. What a good time on a Sunday morning! Brunch? No, it's pet removal time! There's also a product out there called "Magic Pet Remover" by Four Paws that claims to remove pet hair from keyboards, TV Screens and more! I am always leery of products with the word "magic" in them--but for $5.99, I'll get my credit card out.

For pet stains and odors, there's a vast array of product out there. I think there might be more odor removal products than there are perfumes on the market, which seems to point to something profound, but I would need to further investigate. In any case, there's nothing worse than walking into an animal lover's home only to wonder if you've accidentally stumbled into a 4-H camp. The rule with controlling odors is first to absorb the odor with a neutralizing product like baking soda and then using a repellent like vinegar to keep the pet from returning to their scene of the crime.

Pets can be complex when they're trying to mark their territory or communicate an illness or even jealousy over a new addition to the pet family. In some cases, a pet will also notify you of their displeasure with your new partner. I had a friend whose cat urinated on her new boyfriend's clothes when he left them on the floor. Bad kitty? Yes, but really, New Boyfriend should have placed those clothes nicely on the chair! Anyway, they broke up, and the cat is still around, so who's to judge the inner wisdom of the feline? Try your local pet store or any of the major chains like Petco or PetSmart for odor and stain removal products.

I have no idea where to go for neat boyfriends, sorry.

I wouldn't trade the hours of sweeping, vacuuming, washing, brushing, spraying and odor neutralizing for a hairless, pet-free immaculate house, ever. To me, paw prints across a freshly mopped floor means a little more life. Hairs stuck to my pants where my dog has leaned against me to say hello, means I am loved. Slobber stains on the car windows? That just means more laughter.