Need to look gorgeous for a hot night out but don’t have the cash-ola necessary to make your designer dreams a reality? No sweat, sweetie! Just go to the mall, slap on a face of free makeup, “borrow” a dress, and strut on down to your destination. You’ll be beautiful on a budget…of $0! TRANSCRIPTSpeaker […]
There are few things in this world less comfortable than an uncomfortable bra. Childbirth, while I’ve never experienced it, seems as though it would be more unpleasant than the sensation of an insufferably tight brassiere digging into your shoulder flesh like a toddler burrowing into wet sand. Pretty much any other painful event a woman can experience, however, pales in comparison.
Finding a suitable over the shoulder boulder holder is a must for any comely lass who doesn’t want to suffer a life of misery. If you’re tired of being victimized by your hooter holsters, online retailer True&Co claims to have the solution. They’re all about helping you “find the perfect fit.” They promise to do so with “no fitting rooms” and “no measuring tape.” You may ask yourself, “How the hell is that possible?” It being 2014 and all, the answer’s simple: Via a confusing, over-stylized website!
I have been menstruating for over half my life. I’m used to it. I’m, dare I say, pretty good at it. The monthly act of going to the drug store and buying my tampons, cramp meds and assorted accouterments that no longer faze me like it did when I was fifteen. I don’t think there’s anything unusual about the ease with which I deal with the emotional terrorist that is Aunt Flo.
But if I were the sort of woman who, let’s say, wasn’t comfortable getting their Tampax rung up by a bored-looking teenage clerk in a primary colored vest, I could get a period subscription box, filled with a combination of feminine protection products and sweets, delivered to me in a plain, unmarked receptacle once a month. That’s right—the subscription box trend has expanded to the realm of reproduction. But are they worth it? I sent away for a few of them to find out.
Chain restaurants are pretty secretive when it comes to letting customers know exactly how cheap their happy hour prices are. After all, if you knew you could fill up on the same grub for a third of the price at 6PM, why would you show up at 7?
Most times, it’s impossible to figure out how much a place’s Pineapple Explosion Fingers™ and Ranch Rum Runners™ are during happy hour than finding the nutrition information. And you know they hate telling you exactly how many calories are in their Chicken Wing-Dingers™.
Since these establishments are pretty tight-lipped about their prices, I put together a guide to some of the most popular happy hour deals in the country. (Prices and selection, of course, may vary by region.)
Pound for pound, if you play ‘em right, buffets give you the most dining bang for your buck. But what if you could keep bangin’ on that particular drum all day? I went to Souplantation, an all-you-can-eat soup and salad chain, and decided to see how long I could continuously nosh before being forcibly removed. My gripping, inspiring, chronological tale of triumph is documented below.
NOTE: This piece is dedicated to recently deceased comedian John “I’m Starvin’” Pinette, may he rest in peace. You’re overindulging with the angels now, John!
Under normal circumstances, I am not awake at this hour. Frankly, I don’t even know if I’m hungry. It doesn’t matter, though. This isn’t about what my body wants or needs. This is about value. The $7.99 lunch coupon I fished out of my apartment building’s recycling bin ensures it. Using said coupon to obtain breakfast, lunch and dinner amplifies it.