Megan Koester

Want to Feel Terrible About Yourself? Get a DEXA Scan

Written By:Author Megan KoesterMegan Koester

I have a writer’s body: soft, pale, and devoid of muscle tone. I’ve never done a proper pushup in my entire life. Hell, I couldn’t even use the monkey bars when I was a kid. (Did I consistently fail the Presidential Physical Fitness Test? What do you think, buddy.) In spite of the fact that, […]

A Dirt Cheap Massage Made Me Feel Filthy Rich

Beautiful young woman relaxing with hand massage at beauty spa
Written By:Author Megan KoesterMegan Koester

I’ve never had a massage. If you’re a regular reader of this website, I’m sure this information comes as no surprise. Now, it’s not that I don’t need a massage; far from it. I definitely, consistently hold a lot of tension in my… bodily region. Said tension is, no doubt, more than partially due to […]

A Cheap-Ass Guide to Looking Like a Girl

Manicure process... Female hands...
Written By:Author Megan KoesterMegan Koester

The patriarchy says I gotta look glam or folks’ll give me guff. Well guess what, wise guys? I’ll play your sick game, but if you think I’m spending any more than the bare minimum in the process, you’re out of your mind. Thankfully, looking halfway presentable doesn’t have to cost an arm and a leg. […]

How Groupon Helped Me Afford a Staycation I Didn’t Earn

Taking A Stay-cation
Written By:Author Megan KoesterMegan Koester

Listen, I don’t make vacation money — I make “go to the beach and pretend like I didn’t drive only twenty minutes to get there” money. The closest I’ve come in recent memory to an honest-to-goodness holiday entailed taking a $129 cruise for this here website, with harrowing results. I’m not a particularly hard worker; […]

Subscription Meal Services Are a Waste of Time and Money

Rice grains on bank note
Written By:Author Megan KoesterMegan Koester

When I was a kid, my mother’s version of a home-cooked meal entailed frying individual slices of ham and serving them alongside Minute Rice, or smothering chicken breasts in marinara sauce and artlessly topping them with canned black olives. If this is cooking, I thought, I want no part of it. As a result, I […]

Three Hours of Cheap HomeJoy House Cleaning Gave Me Back My Self-Respect

Three Hours of Cheap House Cleaning Gave Me Back My Self-Respect
Written By:Author Megan KoesterMegan Koester

The thought of paying another human being to clean the microscopically small room I call an apartment has seemed, for the entirety of my adult life, utterly beyond the realm of possibility. I don’t make “house cleaning” money; I don’t even make “use a tea bag only once” money. In my mind, house cleaning was […]

What You Get on an Outrageously Cheap Cruise

Frown Periscope
Written By:Author Megan KoesterMegan Koester

In a world where you cannot get a bug-free hotel room for less than $75 a night, and a meal that doesn’t consist of GMOs covered in MSG cannot be purchased for less than $20, I found myself incredulously staring at Princess Cruises’ website: They were selling two-day, three-night cruises to Mexico for $129 per person. […]

Stop Throwing Your Money Away on Life’s Necessities

Trash can with money in it
Written By:Author Megan KoesterMegan Koester

Look at you, sitting on the IKEA futon you didn’t buy off Craigslist, reading this via a WiFi connection you’re not stealing from your upstairs neighbor. Tsk, tsk. What are you, the Queen of England? Stop acting like you’re richer than you are! (Note: If you actually are the Queen of England, my apologies. And […]

How to Ride the Megabus Without Losing Your Mind

Good advice anywhere
Written By:Author Megan KoesterMegan Koester

Traveling by bus is one the least glamorous ways to get to a destination, second only to sitting on the handlebars of a BMX bike piloted by someone way too old to be doing so. What you sacrifice in style by riding the bus, though, you more than make up for in price — if […]

7 Last Minute Gifts For You Last Minute Idiots

Written By:Author Megan KoesterMegan Koester

Well, you’ve done it again. It’s Christmas Eve and you spent so much time last night getting drunk at your old haunt that you forgot to buy any presents. You swore this year you’d be responsible and order them all online in November. Well, I’m here to save you, dumbass. I’m the QUEEN of gifts, […]

A Guide to the Cheapest Glasses on the Internet (About $20 or Less)

This guy knows what I'm talking about.
Written By:Author Megan KoesterMegan Koester

I haven’t worn glasses in years, even though I definitely should, for the simple fact that I couldn’t afford a new prescription. Once my Medi-Cal kicked in, however, you best believe I got myself a script. Since the eye exam was free, I decided it was high time to take the first step toward being […]

How to Do a Romantic Anniversary Dinner on The Cheap

Megan Anniversary Video
Written By:Author Megan KoesterMegan Koester

Just because you can’t afford most of the finer things in life doesn’t mean you can’t afford the finest–love. Love is, indeed, the greatest bargain of all, clocking in at a grand total of $0. While love may be free, anniversary dinners sure aren’t. You don’t need to make it rain in order to romantically celebrate the love of you […]

Battle of the 24-Hour Lipsticks

Written By:Author Megan KoesterMegan Koester

My main quibble with lipstick is the fact that it doesn’t permanently stick to your lips. I pretend like my “go, go, go” lifestyle prevents me from reapplying it, but the reality of the matter is that I’m insufferably lazy. As a result, I’ve been wearing long-wear lipsticks for years; frankly, they’re all I wear. […]

Premium Green Juices: Are They Worth Their Premium Price Tags?

Green Juice Scratch
Written By:Author Megan KoesterMegan Koester

“Going green” has become the new norm. It seems like everyone I know is now a fan of organic produce, free-range eggs and sustainably manufactured yoga pants. Nowhere is this fact more evident than in the case of fancypants juices. You’ve seen them around, listed on the chalkboards of coffee shops and clutched in the […]

How to Eat on $20 a Week and Not Die

Side view of young woman opening oven door
Written By:Author Megan KoesterMegan Koester

If you’re anything like me, you’re broke. Just because we can’t afford the finer things in life–fancy cars, exotic vacations, health care–doesn’t mean we have to starve to death, though. Not only is spending a mere $20 a week on groceries possible, it’s also probably a lot healthier than your current diet. Follow these tips […]

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