I haven’t worn glasses in years, even though I definitely should, for the simple fact that I couldn’t afford a new prescription. Once my Medi-Cal kicked in, however, you best believe I got myself a script. Since the eye exam was free, I decided it was high time to take the first step toward being […]
Just because you can’t afford most of the finer things in life doesn’t mean you can’t afford the finest–love. Love is, indeed, the greatest bargain of all, clocking in at a grand total of $0. While love may be free, anniversary dinners sure aren’t. You don’t need to make it rain in order to romantically celebrate the love of you […]
My main quibble with lipstick is the fact that it doesn’t permanently stick to your lips. I pretend like my “go, go, go” lifestyle prevents me from reapplying it, but the reality of the matter is that I’m insufferably lazy. As a result, I’ve been wearing long-wear lipsticks for years; frankly, they’re all I wear. […]
“Going green” has become the new norm. It seems like everyone I know is now a fan of organic produce, free-range eggs and sustainably manufactured yoga pants. Nowhere is this fact more evident than in the case of fancypants juices. You’ve seen them around, listed on the chalkboards of coffee shops and clutched in the […]
If you’re anything like me, you’re broke. Just because we can’t afford the finer things in life–fancy cars, exotic vacations, health care–doesn’t mean we have to starve to death, though. Not only is spending a mere $20 a week on groceries possible, it’s also probably a lot healthier than your current diet. Follow these tips […]
Need to look gorgeous for a hot night out but don’t have the cash-ola necessary to make your designer dreams a reality? No sweat, sweetie! Just go to the mall, slap on a face of free makeup, “borrow” a dress, and strut on down to your destination. You’ll be beautiful on a budget…of $0! TRANSCRIPTSpeaker […]
There are few things in this world less comfortable than an uncomfortable bra. Childbirth, while I’ve never experienced it, seems as though it would be more unpleasant than the sensation of an insufferably tight brassiere digging into your shoulder flesh like a toddler burrowing into wet sand. Pretty much any other painful event a woman can experience, however, pales in comparison.
Finding a suitable over the shoulder boulder holder is a must for any comely lass who doesn’t want to suffer a life of misery. If you’re tired of being victimized by your hooter holsters, online retailer True&Co claims to have the solution. They’re all about helping you “find the perfect fit.” They promise to do so with “no fitting rooms” and “no measuring tape.” You may ask yourself, “How the hell is that possible?” It being 2014 and all, the answer’s simple: Via a confusing, over-stylized website!
I have been menstruating for over half my life. I’m used to it. I’m, dare I say, pretty good at it. The monthly act of going to the drug store and buying my tampons, cramp meds and assorted accouterments that no longer faze me like it did when I was fifteen. I don’t think there’s anything unusual about the ease with which I deal with the emotional terrorist that is Aunt Flo.
But if I were the sort of woman who, let’s say, wasn’t comfortable getting their Tampax rung up by a bored-looking teenage clerk in a primary colored vest, I could get a period subscription box, filled with a combination of feminine protection products and sweets, delivered to me in a plain, unmarked receptacle once a month. That’s right—the subscription box trend has expanded to the realm of reproduction. But are they worth it? I sent away for a few of them to find out.
Chain restaurants are pretty secretive when it comes to letting customers know exactly how cheap their happy hour prices are. After all, if you knew you could fill up on the same grub for a third of the price at 6PM, why would you show up at 7?
Most times, it’s impossible to figure out how much a place’s Pineapple Explosion Fingers™ and Ranch Rum Runners™ are during happy hour than finding the nutrition information. And you know they hate telling you exactly how many calories are in their Chicken Wing-Dingers™.
Since these establishments are pretty tight-lipped about their prices, I put together a guide to some of the most popular happy hour deals in the country. (Prices and selection, of course, may vary by region.)
Pound for pound, if you play ‘em right, buffets give you the most dining bang for your buck. But what if you could keep bangin’ on that particular drum all day? I went to Souplantation, an all-you-can-eat soup and salad chain, and decided to see how long I could continuously nosh before being forcibly removed. My gripping, inspiring, chronological tale of triumph is documented below.
NOTE: This piece is dedicated to recently deceased comedian John “I’m Starvin'” Pinette, may he rest in peace. You’re overindulging with the angels now, John!
Under normal circumstances, I am not awake at this hour. Frankly, I don’t even know if I’m hungry. It doesn’t matter, though. This isn’t about what my body wants or needs. This is about value. The $7.99 lunch coupon I fished out of my apartment building’s recycling bin ensures it. Using said coupon to obtain breakfast, lunch and dinner amplifies it.
Most folks hemorrhage money whenever they visit the degenerate’s paradise that is Las Vegas. Those folks, however, are suckers. It’s totally possible to enjoy yourself in Sin City without losing your shirt—all you’ve gotta do is bet on the right bargains. Gettin’ a room, gettin’ drunk, gettin’ full, gettin’ entertained and comin’ back with a little something to remember your trip by is what Vegas is all about. In this video, we’ll show you how to do just that and more, for little to no cashola! You feelin’ lucky?
As a former connoisseur of return fraud, (emphasis on former, OK?) I am intimately aware of the return policies of many of the chain retailers cluttering America’s once-breathtaking landscape. Some, of course, are better than others. Pretty much all of them are better than Best Buy’s, which is god-awful. (That’s right, Best Buy! I’m callin’ you out!) The ones in this article, as I’m sure you’ve already gathered by the title, rank among the best. It’s hard to find satisfaction in this world, especially when it comes to interacting with big box retailers, but these faceless corporations are A-ok in my book.
As a peddler of wares for the upper class, it stands to reason that Nordstrom should have the Rolls-Royce of return policies. And boy, do they. Their official policy is, well, that there isn’t one. Which means you can return items years after you’ve bought them—hell, even after you’ve worn them. Which, naturally, makes Nordstrom a hotbed for fraudulent activity. A friend of mine’s mother, who used to work there, has horror stories about gritting her teeth and taking back used underwear. (The customer’s always right, after all!) If anything you buy at Nordie’s “malfunctions” (up to and including flip flops that fell apart after a summer or eight), you can bring it back for a refund. You don’t even need a receipt, just the tag from the item you purchased. Now, before you go hog-wild and return every single thing you’ve ever bought at Nordstrom, know this—returns negatively affect the commissions of the employees who accept ‘em. So have a heart. Please?
I have adult acne. While I appreciate the fact that it keeps me young at heart, I resent that it keeps me shackled to my keyboard, endlessly researching new and innovative developments in skincare technology. I am by no means a rich woman; regardless, I treat each alleged breakthrough (usually presented in the form of an advertisement featuring a model in a lab coat) as an opportunity to open my wallet and scream “fix me!” at whatever corporation claims to have my best interest at heart. In spite of the thousands of dollars I’ve hemorrhaged on the cause thus far, I have not yet been fixed. Which is why, for a week at least, I’ve decided to give up on chasing this financially and emotionally draining dream.
Emboldened by tales extolling coconut oil as a miracle in a jar, I’ll be using it as a cleanser. But why stop there? After all, facial products aren’t the only things I waste my money on. My entire beauty routine, from head to toe, will therefore be 100% au naturel. My only rule? If it’s edible, it’s fair game. My reasoning behind this is simple—if I can buy it at the grocery store, I can use EBT to pay for it. Now, before you judge, dig this neat little theory I just came up with: If I look better, it’ll give me the self-confidence necessary to pull myself up by the bootstraps, earn a decent-paying job and stop suckling at the government’s teat. Really, I’m helping you, John Q. Taxpayer, help myself. Reagan would be so proud! (Style icon Nancy Reagan, I mean).