Pound for pound, if you play ’em right, buffets give you the most dining bang for your buck. But what if you could keep bangin’ on that particular drum all day? I went to Souplantation, an all-you-can-eat soup and salad chain, and decided to see how long I could continuously nosh before being forcibly removed. My gripping, inspiring, chronological tale of triumph is documented below.
NOTE: This piece is dedicated to recently deceased comedian John “I’m Starvin'” Pinette, may he rest in peace. You’re overindulging with the angels now, John!
Under normal circumstances, I am not awake at this hour. Frankly, I don’t even know if I’m hungry. It doesn’t matter, though. This isn’t about what my body wants or needs. This is about value. The $7.99 lunch coupon I fished out of my apartment building’s recycling bin ensures it. Using said coupon to obtain breakfast, lunch and dinner amplifies it.