Zach Ames

Stop Getting Ripped Off When You Buy Video Games Online

Game Controller Scratch

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Author Zach AmesZach Ames

If you’re buying video games online, then you’re probably paying more than you should. It’s much easier to download a game than get in your car and drive all the way to a dumb store. That’s sort of the problem with buying games on-line. Being able to instantly have any video game makes it too […]

Freemium Games Are The Biggest Waste of Money

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Author Zach AmesZach Ames

Stop throwing your money away on crappy phone games. That’s the dumbest thing you can do with your money. These supposedly free games make a killing off of bored people who want an excuse to touch their phone. There was a time not too long ago where it was OK to stop touching your phone for five minutes. My Freemium gaming experience was specific to one game, but all of these games are the same. They get money out of players in two ways. The first is that they lock the game and prevent you from playing it unless you pay a fee. The second is they allow you to pay to unlock things like new characters, weapons, and power-ups. It’s really easy to fork over a dollar or two when you’re waiting at the dentist’s office or sitting at your desk at work. Those dollars don’t seem like much at the time, but they add up quickly.

My experience with Freemium gaming was The Simpsons: Tapped Out. This is a free game where you get to build the fictional town of Springfield from scratch. That’s what I was told anyway. The game play in The Simpsons: Tapped Out consists of placing buildings and then waiting a pre-set time period to click on them to get money to buy more buildings. This leads to every town having huge blocks of buildings placed as close together as possible because you don ‘t want to waste an inch of real estate space. That’s not really my idea of proper city planning.

Best Birthday Freebies for Slobs

Birthday Freebies for Slob Scratch

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Author Zach AmesZach Ames

It’s infuriating that so many businesses offer free meals to kids for their birthday. Is turning 7 years old really an accomplishment worthy of free food? No way. Turning 30 and not having any kids of your own is an actual accomplishment that should be celebrated with a free feast. Unfortunately, there aren’t that many birthday freebies for single slobs like me. I navigated the sloppy seas and found the best birthday freebies for slobs. Most of these birthday freebies require you to join some sort of digital fan club so links are included. This is your plan of action to have the ultimate slob birthday for free. Put on your favorite eating shirt and let’s get started.

Your first stop on the slob express should be for coffee. A birthday boy needs his morning jolt to handle the busy day ahead. Dunkin Donuts, Krispy Kreme, and Starbucks will all give you free coffee for your birthday if you sign up for their fan clubs. Lots of local shops will give you free coffee too so you may want to ask about birthday freebies next time you’re in your favorite shop. Personally, I’ve always preferred free stuff from giant corporations over people with a independent business. The perceived social justice of getting something free from a giant corporation makes the coffee taste that much better.

Corporate Marketing Stunts Have Ruined The Guinness Book Of World Records

Guiness World Records Scratch

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Author Zach AmesZach Ames

Corporate marketing stunts have ruined The Guinness Book Of World Records. I came to this realization after hearing about Arby’s marketing stunt where they filmed a brisket being smoked for 13 hours and played it in its entirety as a commercial in Duluth, Minnesota. This marketing stunt won them the World Record for The Longest TV Commercial, and it really pissed me off. 

I think I have a right to be upset. I’ve always held the Guinness Book Of World Records in high esteem. The latest edition was a guaranteed Christmas present in my household. I would spend hours reading about all of the weird and incredible things that people around the world could achieve and dreaming of one day having my name in that book. As far as I was concerned, holding a Guinness World Record was better than getting a Nobel Prize. You saved a bunch of sick kids with your dumb vaccine? Who cares! Come back to me after you’ve been growing your finger nails for 20 years or you learn to squirt milk from your eyes. Then I’ll be impressed.

You’re Probably Not a Good Tipper

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Author Zach AmesZach Ames

You may think you’re always a great tipper, but you’re lying to yourself. I guarantee you’ve been a bad tipper in at least one of these situations. You probably don’t even realize how bad your tips are. That’s the worst thing about it. You’ve been going all over town thinking you’re a tipping champion of the people when really everyone thinks you’re a low tipping d-bag.

Don’t be a jerk. Tip people what they’re worth.

Happy Hours and Groupons
What You Should Tip: 20% of the regular price
What Bad Tippers Tip: 20% of the discounted price

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