On deck in Herding Cats: why you should have quit…
They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, but what about for the person on-the-go? We went to three top fast food chains to discover where to find the best drive-thru breakfast in America.
Director: Cassandra Lee Hamilton
Music: Cowabunga Babes
Josh Androsky: Hello again, my children. It’s me, little Joshy wonderful, and I’m here with Savings.com. Today, we are going . . . [burp]. Okay, one more time.
Hi, I’m Josh Androsky with Savings.com. Last time we saw you, we went through the best value menu options, and we heard one thing; you want us to check out what’s going on at breakfast.
Starting your day with thousands of calories in deep-fried grease and fat doesn’t sound like the best idea, but we’ve all been there. We’ve all done it before. Look, let’s face the facts. We’re going to eat fast-food breakfast. Join me as I discover which fast food place has the best breakfast. Let’s do it.
Going to Jack in the Box. Breakfast served all day.
What would you say is like your signature breakfast item? Thanks. Have a good one.
We’re here in the beautiful Jack in the Box parking lot, about to try some J-Bo Break-Fo. So, you got the breakfast grilled sandwich, which feels like a sandwich. I’m going to put some hot sauce on this. Of course, hot sauce. It’s necessary. [Singing] all of the hot sauce. I don’t know why it’s wet. Should it be wet? I don’t think it’s supposed to be wet.
So, this is a floppy hash brown. It’s got a hair in it. So, there’s nothing special. I don’t know exactly what I was looking for. You can get breakfast at any time at Jack in the Box. You can do it yourself. You can do this yourself. You don’t need somebody else to do this for you. Look at this. It’s like my hands are wet and shiny.
Onto the next place.
I’m scared. Waffle taco, that’s not fair, you can’t just like pick up a waffle and fold it and call it a taco. That’s not how tacos work. Am I crazy? Did my car get fat from Taco Bell? Thank you. I got a bell to pick with Taco Bell. I just got kicked out of Taco Bell for filming. What are you trying to hide Taco Bell?
So, we’re just in the parking lot right outside of Taco Bell. We’re about to test their new breakfast menu. All right. Wind’s kicking up, I think God is angry that Taco Bell serves breakfast.
First up . . . so this is hilarious, on the Breakfast Crunchwrap, it says, “This is the best decision that you’ve made all day.” It’s like Taco Bell being like, “Look. You woke up. It’s 8:00 AM. You didn’t kill yourself.”
“Ninja Star of Doom.”
The flavor is good, but it tastes like really delicious cardboard. This is Taco Bell’s breakfast menu as the uncanny value of food. This says, “Right now, I’m eating a waffle taco, and you’re not.” I’m already poisoning my body with food. You don’t have to be cute about it. Because it’s a thing that’s folded doesn’t mean . . . like, I have a futon. Is that a taco? I can’t do it.
You guys are still doing breakfast? Oh. There’s the guy with the camera at the drive-thru again. [Singing] I don’t mind stealing bread from the mouths of Mc-decadent.” I’m here at McDonald’s breakfast, the most iconic breakfast of them all. Hash brown. It’s not too flippity-floppity. Is there anything better than a hash brown?
What’s going on on this one? Sausage McMuffin with egg. It’s so good. The Miss America of fast-food breakfasts; the egg McMuffin. You’re going to eat this. You’re going to love it or just be content. It’s consistency. I officially cannot eat any more food.
We’re back at the house. Let’s talk about what we learned today. Lesson number one: don’t eat three fast-food meals. Lesson number two: McDonald’s breakfast is the best. If you are a top-level executive at Taco Bell, jump off a bridge. It’s like eating jail. It’s like eating an entire jail.
And the winner? It may surprise you. It’s not McDonald’s. If you have to start your day with McDonald’s, you’re doing something incorrect, the real winner; the Bloody Mary. Any day that starts with a Bloody Mary ends with satisfaction. You can quote me on that.
Josh Androsky quit writing stuff he hated for TV to become a staple of the LA comedy scene. He started shows on the steps of City Hall, went viral as The Skateboard Rabbi on The Price is Right, launched a successful Kickstarter for a US tour, and is a contributor for VICE.