Just because you’re cooking a fancy dinner with fancy recipes…
Every fast food says they have a “value” menu, but is it really a good value, especially compared to other major chains? I take five dollars to three of the country’s biggest fast food restaurants and see what bang I can truly get for my buck.
Director: Cassandra Lee Hamilton
Music: Cowabunga Babes
JOSH ANDROSKY, HOST:
What’s up haters! It’s me, Josh Androsky, with Savings.com, and today we’re going to find out which fast food joint has the best value menu.
They all say it’s a value menu, but is it really a value? We’re going to judge it on three criteria. One, how many items you get. Two, how much it weighs and three, if it actually tastes good. So join us on this dumb adventure where I’m going to fill my body with poison…science. fill my body with poison…science. I hate science.
First stop, Taco Bell. I’m pretty sure it’s not actual food. But, here we are. We’re going to try it anyway.TACO BELL EMPLOYEE: What can I get for you?ANDROSKY: I’m just going to look at the menu for a bit. The value menu is what says “why pay more?” I’m gonna try to get exactly five dollars worth of food if you don’t mind. So can you tell me if I go over?
TACO BELL EMPLOYEE: Sure.
ANDROSKY: So we’re here at the Taco Bell parking lot. Before we eat, let’s see how much it weighs. This weighs 15.26 ounces which is just about a pound. Alright, first thing’s up. I assume this is the cheesy roll up. Yeah that’s just a tortilla and cheese. This looks like the beefy five layer burrito. The loaded potato griller. It’s bacon, sour cream and potatoes. Soak it up America! This should be illegal.
Next stop, Burger King. Burger King,notoriously the number two fast food chain in America, the middle child, the… cuz McDonald’s like the Marsha Brady,right? And Taco Bell’s the young upstart. Yeah, can I get a Rodeo Burger, onion rings, nuggets, soft serve. How much is that? Hello! Oh, dude.Alright, we’re here. We’re sitting at Burger King, let’s see how much it weighs. 15 point some ounces, just about a pound. Let’s see how it tastes. These onion rings are alright. A chicken nugget is a chicken nugget, y’all. This is the Rodeo Burger, this actually tastes really good. I can’t believe this is a dollar, uh God I’m gonna die. Alright, so I’m pretty much done eating here, so let’s go to McDonald’s.Alright, let’s weigh it. This one’s over a pound of food. So we’ve got the fries, the McDouble with Mac sauce which looks insane, and then a Buffalo ranch McChicken. It’s not bad. Here’s the McDouble, come on. Are you sad? Yes. This is a lot of fries for a value menu fry. Who’s kidding who? If you don’t like McDonald’s fries the most, I want to question your patriotism. So the food’s not good. The burger was the iconic taste but that doesn’t mean it’s good. I kinda liked that.Hey, we’re back at the house so it’s time to do the judgment. Which value menu is actually the best value? Criteria one: weight. McDonald’s wins. It’s over an ounce more. Criteria two: items. Taco Bell loses. Burger King and McDonald’s tie. Criteria number three: taste. The best thing I ate was that loaded potato griller at Taco Bell. The worst thing I ate was all of the McDonald’s. Burger King was somewhere in the middle.
So you want a winner? The winner is nobody. The loser is America. You lose automatically just by going. The real winner is beer. Just spend your five dollars on beer. You’ll be just as full and you’ll be happier.
I’m Josh Androsky for Savings.com. I think I might legitimately die tonight.
Josh Androsky quit writing stuff he hated for TV to become a staple of the LA comedy scene. He started shows on the steps of City Hall, went viral as The Skateboard Rabbi on The Price is Right, launched a successful Kickstarter for a US tour, and is a contributor for VICE.