When Savings.com asked me to create a weekly DIY tutorial for their readers, I was overwhelmed. I was also drunk, which is why I said yes.
But I think you’ll agree that I’m a natural for a job like this, because I have almost no crafting ability. And if there’s one thing the handmade movement has taught us, it’s that you don’t actually need talent to craft, and everyone has to pretend to like it anyway.
And speaking of no talent, how great is Jersey Shore? Really great, that’s how. And if all those kids did was smoke cigarettes and vomit on themselves, it would be enough for me. But God love them, they’ve got so much more on the ball. Did you know that three of them are already published authors? And Snooki’s book is on the New York Times Bestseller List! It all seems so effortless for them. Probably because they didn’t actually write anything.
Wouldn’t we all want a taste of that life? You bet we would. And today, I’m going to show you how to see the world through Snooki’s eyes. Soon you’ll be living the dream, one happy hour at at time. THE SNOOKI MASK
To do this craft, you will need:
A copy of “A Shore Thing” by Snooki, which you no doubt already have
A color printer
Printable card stock
2 20″ inch lengths of ribbon
1. Snooki’s picture on the cover is smaller than most human heads, due to the size of her brain. To determine how much to enlarge the image to fit your head, measure your face from ear to ear. Now take that measurement and divide it by 5.5. The number you get is the percentage to increase the image.
My measurement was about 9 inches, so I figured it this way:
9 / 5.5 = 1.63 = 163% enlargement.
Alternatively, you could just go to Kinkos and keep making copies until you get one you can use.
2. Print the image on light card stock using the landscape setting. You could also laminate it to make it easier to wipe off ketchup and lip gloss. Cut out the image and set aside.
3. Punch out the center of each eye. Make two small holes on either side for stringing. This can be done with a hole punch, or for added authenticity, a lit cigarette.
4. Fold the ribbon in half and pull it through the holes, securing with a slip knot. You might want to reinforce the holes with tape to prevent tearing.
5. While Snooki is already decorated, you might choose to add rhinestones or fake eyelashes for a 3D effect. You might also coat the bottom of your face in BBQ sauce to approximate her skin tone.
And there you have it. A Snooki mask that is not only beautiful, but functional! The half-face design allows you to smoke and do shots with ease. And once you’ve blacked out, the mask acts as an eyeshade, to insure a pleasant night’s sleep on the floor.
Would you like to own a Snooki mask crafted by my very own arthritic hands? Well, now you can! I made a few of these while I was putting this tutorial together, and they’re up for grabs. Just let me know in the comments where you would wear your Snooki mask. The three best answers will get a mask and a special surprise!
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NEXT WEEK: Circumventing traffic laws the crafty way
April Winchell has enjoyed a multi-faceted career in the entertainment business, owing in large part to her extremely limited attention span. She is the creator of the hit website Regretsy.com, and the author of “Regretsy: Where DIY meets WTF” (Random House). Although she has been writing professionally since 1989, she still finds talking about herself in the third person really uncomfortable.
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