Regretsy’s Crafter School Special: Make Your Own Snooki Mask

Regretsy’s Crafter School Special: Make Your Own Snooki Mask

When Savings.com asked me to create a weekly DIY tutorial for their readers, I was overwhelmed. I was also drunk, which is why I said yes.

But I think you’ll agree that I’m a natural for a job like this, because I have almost no crafting ability. And if there’s one thing the handmade movement has taught us, it’s that you don’t actually need talent to craft, and everyone has to pretend to like it anyway.

And speaking of no talent, how great is Jersey Shore? Really great, that’s how. And if all those kids did was smoke cigarettes and vomit on themselves, it would be enough for me. But God love them, they’ve got so much more on the ball. Did you know that three of them are already published authors? And Snooki’s book is on the New York Times Bestseller List! It all seems so effortless for them. Probably because they didn’t actually write anything.

Wouldn’t we all want a taste of that life? You bet we would. And today, I’m going to show you how to see the world through Snooki’s eyes. Soon you’ll be living the dream, one happy hour at at time. THE SNOOKI MASK

To do this craft, you will need:

A copy of “A Shore Thing” by Snooki, which you no doubt already have
A color printer
Printable card stock
2 20″ inch lengths of ribbon
Scissors
Hole punch

pic1
  1. Snooki’s picture on the cover is smaller than most human heads, due to the size of her brain. To determine how much to enlarge the image to fit your head, measure your face from ear to ear. Now take that measurement and divide it by 5.5. The number you get is the percentage to increase the image.
pic2

My measurement was about 9 inches, so I figured it this way:

9 / 5.5 = 1.63 = 163% enlargement.

Alternatively, you could just go to Kinkos and keep making copies until you get one you can use.

  1. Print the image on light card stock using the landscape setting. You could also laminate it to make it easier to wipe off ketchup and lip gloss. Cut out the image and set aside.
pic3
  1. Punch out the center of each eye. Make two small holes on either side for stringing. This can be done with a hole punch, or for added authenticity, a lit cigarette.
pic4
  1. Fold the ribbon in half and pull it through the holes, securing with a slip knot. You might want to reinforce the holes with tape to prevent tearing.
pic5
  1. While Snooki is already decorated, you might choose to add rhinestones or fake eyelashes for a 3D effect. You might also coat the bottom of your face in BBQ sauce to approximate her skin tone.

And there you have it. A Snooki mask that is not only beautiful, but functional! The half-face design allows you to smoke and do shots with ease. And once you’ve blacked out, the mask acts as an eyeshade, to insure a pleasant night’s sleep on the floor.

pic6

Would you like to own a Snooki mask crafted by my very own arthritic hands? Well, now you can! I made a few of these while I was putting this tutorial together, and they’re up for grabs. Just let me know in the comments where you would wear your Snooki mask. The three best answers will get a mask and a special surprise!

NEXT WEEK: Circumventing traffic laws the crafty way

April Winchell has enjoyed a multi-faceted career in the entertainment business, owing in large part to her extremely limited attention span. She is the creator of the hit website Regretsy.com, and the author of “Regretsy: Where DIY meets WTF” (Random House). Although she has been writing professionally since 1989, she still finds talking about herself in the third person really uncomfortable.

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There are 289 comments for this article
  1. GeektasticWhimsy at 6:03 pm

    Poor little guy, he looks so confused. Or maybe he just wants a pickle.

    I would have to wear it around the house since I never leave it.

  2. Kayawkay at 6:22 pm

    I could wear it while I take my child to the playground…I’ll have hot single dad’s all over me in no time. First come, first serve.

  3. DreadedLoon at 6:23 pm

    I would wear the masks on late night talk shows while I plug my pink foam fake sneaker slippers and ride this fifteen minutes of fame as hard as I can like straddling a bomb and waving a cowboy hat.

  4. JaimeM at 6:24 pm

    This would be perfect for my truck driver hubby to wear when he delivers out in NJ. I’m sure all the Snookie fans would appreciate the humor in it.

  5. TashinaONeill at 6:24 pm

    I would wear it to my job at subway where I’d scream things at the customers like “You wanna f***in’ sandwich? I’ll give ya a f***in’ sandwich!”

  6. DavidHazard at 6:25 pm

    I don’t know how you never run out of new ideas.. that last photo is a riot!!!!!!! Best of luck.. Oh I should add it was easy as heck to register as you can use your facebook to log in!!! perfect!

  7. BreezyLou at 6:25 pm

    I would wear it to the PTA meeting, I’m already gonna be drunk with a cigarette hanging out of my mouth, so it will be PERFECT!

  8. mwcalloway at 6:25 pm

    I would wear the mask to an actual public reading of my own book that I wrote. Yeah, I used a thesaurus, a dictionary and I typed 50,489 words which took me forever. But wearing Snooki on the Northern Hemisphere of my face will give me all the literary credibility that I’ll ever need.

  9. DIYWTFLove at 6:25 pm

    I’m going to wear it while I breastfeed my baby at the bar. Topless. I’ll cover myself in orange spray paint so everyone will think I’m the real deal.

  10. LobLobtLeBonsai at 6:27 pm

    I’ll be frank. I’ve been having some difficulty in the bedroom. This might give me a little bit of a newfound appreciation for the surroundings.

  11. FacedDon at 6:27 pm

    I would wear it while speeding drunkenly down the highway. If the cameras caught me, they would think it was just another TV shoot for Snooki, and let me/her off.

  12. DianaCrites at 6:31 pm

    I would wear it out grocery shopping. The horny octogenarians in produce like to ogle my melons. This half puss would be sure to put them off their fiber, at least momentarily.

  13. SarasWhimsy at 6:32 pm

    Well, I have an interview coming up. Nothing major, just VP and Director of HR for a Fortune 1000 company. If I win, I figure I’ll add some steel wool right behind the “hair” portion of the mask and then comb forward and up and back some of my own hair to make it look more “natural”. I would need to add some bbq sauce to my face and hands as well because I’m considerably more fair skinned than Snooki(!!!). I’d be a shoe in for the job, don’t you think!?!?

  14. MOneal at 6:35 pm

    I would hide the video camera in the room while hubby sleeps, slip on mask & jump on him while he’s sleeping in bed. Then be on guard for the rest of my life while he plots his revenge.

  15. Kerryissovery at 6:38 pm

    I’m going to use this mask as a preventative measure to make sure I’m never invited to family functions again. Mom’s pestering me to go to church? Snooki’s in the Lord’s house! Time to go watch my nieces’ get their Girl Scout badges? Perfect! Nephew wants me to speak to his class on Career Day? I’ll be a bestselling author!

  16. Emlemony at 6:38 pm

    I’ll wear it during sex, because the hideousness of it should make hubs last longer than three minutes. Although if my plan backfires its my own stupid fault, I guess.

  17. HousewifeofFacepalmCounty at 6:38 pm

    I am in school to become a chemical dependency counselor. As such, I must groups where the members prize their “anonymity.” I would wear my Snooki mask to those meetings, until I had to go for myself, as myself, instead of for credit.

  18. allyrose at 6:42 pm

    I would wear it to work with my fabulously tacky red cheetah-print stretch velour slut dress with black boa trim, and take pictures giving my boss’ husband a lap dance before peeing in the artificial tree in the office corner.

  19. mandalynns78 at 6:45 pm

    At home so my kids think im cool. I could have the baby pour me mixed drinks while the older one lights my cigarettes for me. Win win!

  20. Veronica-Regina at 6:46 pm

    I would wear this beautiful mask with my leopard print minidress (that i was able to purchase because of all the money i saved thanks to Compare & Save). This is the perfect thing to spice things up in the bedroom, as well as my god sons fourth birthday party.

  21. Veronica-Regina at 6:47 pm

    I would wear this AFTER i read all the comments that were written before mine to make sure that it is not eerily like someone else’s…..

  22. PahzSmith at 6:48 pm

    My son just came home from his morning classes at [COLLEGE] and I showed him. I said, “That’s April with the Jack Daniels, the dog, and pickles… I don’t know why pickles, but okay.”

    Instant reply: “Snooki likes pickles.”

    I say I’d wear it to parent/teacher conferences at the high school. He says he’d wear it to his psych class.

  23. maggiehall818 at 6:49 pm

    I’m also going to keep mine in my purse for when I have to do the walk of shame. That way no one will know it’s me with the bedhead and last night’s clothes on – they won’t bat an eye!

  24. plutorealm at 6:54 pm

    We have a masquerade ball of the fancy kind coming up at my college. To stick it to the proverbial man (he’s all about that) my boyfriend has decided to dress up as David Bowie. Obviously I need to match him in style – I think this would be a real hit.

  25. lslapiko at 6:58 pm

    Undoubtedly I would wear this on the toilet while reading my Snooki book. I might even let my boyfriend borrow it when he goes if he promises not to stretch it out.

  26. lmay3066 at 6:58 pm

    I will wear it on the day I go to assassinate the entire cast of Jersey Shore so I can assimilate myself into their lives before sneakily killing them off one by one, ninja-costume-snooki style. Is this too dark?

  27. QueenDiem at 7:00 pm

    Several of the young ladies my Effective Speaking class have expressed their love for … uh … Spooki? Snooki? Skanki?… whoever this is. I am sure they would be so impressed if I came to class wearing one of these! My evaluations would be through the roof!

  28. beedeepee at 7:00 pm

    Dear April
    I would wear my Snooki mask whilst on jury duty at the next LiLo case.
    I might also wear it: in the bath, to take the garbage to the basement, to work (I am a receptionist, on safari, and the next time my boyfriend’s hoity-toity parents take me out to some hoity-toity place for lobster.
    Yours Snookily,
    Beedeepee xxx

  29. Culinarychiq at 7:06 pm

    I don’t know why but the first thing that popped into my head was to gather everyone I knew together to don these masks and do Michael Jackson’s zombie dance to Thriller. Hmm….

  30. NaomiMcQuade at 7:08 pm

    To church, of course.

    I have been needing special attention paid to my general naughtiness, and this mask would solve that. Completely. Without a doubt.

    They might even meet me at the door.

  31. Carrence at 7:09 pm

    I’d wear it to teach at the Quaker school I work at because no one embodies the values of simplicity, harmony, equality and community like Snooki.

  32. cspindler at 7:09 pm

    I would wear my mask to my civil engineering job at a government agency. I’m sure the all-male staff who are all mostly in the 40-60 year old range would totally understand it!

  33. Impetua at 7:11 pm

    I would wear it to work. I am the lead nurse in a locked psychiatric facility. I feel that the mask would really allow the clients to really relate to me in a visceral way, and I am excited to see whether this results in a serious uptick in the use of our heavier narcotics.

  34. sweetrat89 at 7:16 pm

    I graduate from college in May. I wonder how the President of the college would feel when I take the diploma from him wearing this Snooki mask?

  35. Miryroses at 7:22 pm

    I would attach this to my lower back so a) it would be the right height, b) any sound emitting from my backside would be about as accurate an impersonation as any.

  36. Carrie_Appel at 7:23 pm

    Perfect for mid-day naps. I’ve been trying to talk my boss into buying a napping pod, so all us lazy asses can “greatly improve productivity” (sleep off our hangovers). You just saved my employer $8k.

  37. snations at 7:29 pm

    I would incapacitate the real Snookie and then use the mask to infiltrate the group. (It’s obviously crafted to such a degree that no one would notice.) I would procede to be a ridiculous, drunken whore and make millions. I have no shame.

  38. timothyluke23 at 7:35 pm

    I will teach math in my Snookie mask and use drinking and smoking to illustrate arithmetic concepts such as the order of liquor operations (liquor + beer = no fear, while beer + liquor = never sicker), calculations using number of shots as effecting BAC, and averages like the number of cigs/hour (especially the rate of change of cigs/hr with respect to number of shots taken). I would fist-pump all right answers and pull out the hair of anyone who answered incorrectly!

  39. jamief725 at 7:36 pm

    I would wear mine to work…(where I work with farmers in the south) I’d wear it on my next farm visit – because she wears enough makeup for me AND her. Maybe it’d make up for all the times I didn’t…. I’d also wear it in the bathroom while reading my snookie book. And of course any time I was riding my bike… because I want attention like that… right?

  40. MelissaStewart at 7:40 pm

    I would wear it to my job interview. She is culturally relevant, slutty, and a conversation starter. Who WOULDN’T hire me?!

  41. Jennygirl75 at 7:44 pm

    I would wear it while dropping my son off at high school. He is 17…and he likes Jersey Shore..which I find embarrassing. Therefore I would plan on embarrassing him in my Snooki mask. 🙂

  42. kcbenedict at 8:08 pm

    My family owns a gun shop, so I would wear mine while visiting them/helping them out. I love freaking out the old men, and all the young ones would want to purchase stuff from me!

  43. LindseySandersDinsmore at 8:14 pm

    I’d wear it to play group events. I’m sure all the mothers in the group who waited until they were 40 to have children would love it.

  44. morganamacleod at 8:22 pm

    I’d wear it – with a pair of f*ck you heels – the next time someone comes to the door trying to sell me religion or cable TV.

  45. April_Winchell at 8:24 pm

    Danielle, if you can get someone to video you working at the drive thru window wearing this mask, you may already be a winner.

  46. kaitlynb at 8:34 pm

    I would wear my mask while posing for a photo, enticing Etsy shoppers to purchase my Grandmother’s steam-punk, high waist, black panties.

  47. KatieBray at 8:36 pm

    I would go back in time and wear it to my sister in law’s wedding. I really tried to ruin that wedding, but apparently wearing a wife beater and pouring rum from the flask from my back pocket into all of my drinks just wasn’t trashy enough. This would do the trick. Also, please send a time machine.

  48. rm.schaff at 8:41 pm

    Like all good fairy tale creatures who steal away to your bedroom at night and leave you a surprise for morning, I believe Snooki should be photographed only once a year, and with children present.

    Therefore, in a painfully slow line which rings with the voice of children and large flocks of stay at home moms, I will don my Snooki mask at the nearest mall and wait for my chance to get photographed on the Easter Bunny’s lap.

    The photograph will be savored and cared for; framed, even, for as we know, once you stop believing in imaginary beasts (and giving them money), they stop existing all together.

  49. heava21 at 8:42 pm

    I would wear this while going through airport security to ensure a tsa screening because its the only time I really feel validated.

  50. rizmacheal at 8:50 pm

    I would wear it in a bathroom with a full length mirror across one wall, so I could better reflect on the mistakes I made as Snooki and remember not to make them when I was my less glamorous real world self. Also, it would help prevent toilet water from splashing on my forehead if I found myself with the need to empty my stomach after the nights festivities. Being passed out on the floor is so much more attractive without toilet water splashes on ones forehead.

  51. Malatise at 8:52 pm

    I would wear it to my Synagogue’s 30th Anniversary Purim Masquerade Ball. The invites said “appropriate evening attire”, and I couldn’t think of anything more appropriate than this and a sequined mini-dress.

  52. CristinaGonzalez at 8:59 pm

    I would wear it in the morning, to get the kids up and ready for school. It will hide my mascara stained, hungover bloodshot eyes, and they might confuse me for a new babysitter. Since I am leaving them to Snooki in my will, maybe this will ease the transition. (And BeFORE anyone calls CPS I am joking about the hungover and the leaving to her in my will. But I will most certainly use it to mess with them)

  53. leveleded at 8:59 pm

    I’d wear it to my neighbourhood haiku n’ rhyme meet up… Well I don’t have a neighbourhood haiku n’ rhyme meet up yet, I am sure when people see me in the middle of my street reciting rhyming haikus that I have written while wearing the mask, they’ll want to be my friend?

  54. sabertoothsharp at 9:03 pm

    i want to strap this baby on, head on over to the lanford lunchbox, and finally get that sweet loving from dan connor that i’ve waited my whole life for.

  55. MenzieC at 9:05 pm

    I would wear it to my chiropractor. It would give him incentive to twist my neck extra hard.

    The pickle jar, the dawg, the caftan – pure genius, as always.

  56. ChainedHeart at 9:08 pm

    I would put it on my 14th month old daughter to go looking for daycare. I don’t need daycare for her, it would just be fun.

  57. StacyWescoe at 9:09 pm

    I would wear it while working with underprivileged, handi-abled children – crocheting fashionable shrugs for chilly penguins in South Africa. Those winters get so cold. I must do it for…the children.

  58. TheTartPimp at 9:09 pm

    I would wear my mask to a lot of places but one place I would for sure wear it to would be church. I think the pastor totally watches Jersey Shore and I think he has a crush on Snookie because his wife has a Snookie poof. he also talked about cheating after the Miami episodes with Ronny cheating on Sammy. I am starting to believe that all of his sermons are based on the episode on Thursday night prior.
    I would also wear the mask to parent teacher conferences because my son’s teacher. If I can fool the school into thinking I really am Snooki then they may think twice before berating me about my son’s behavior in school. they will be intimidated by my celebrity life style. OR they will feel sorry for my son because his mom is Snookie so that will explain his outbursts.

  59. April_Winchell at 9:16 pm

    For added authenticity, we made “Ronnie Juice” on Saturday (that’s the watermelon, vodka and cherry drink Ronnie makes every week). Good God. It was like Hi-C with bug spray in it. I’m sticking with Nyquil and rum.

  60. SarahNinesling at 9:19 pm

    I would wear mine to my next child support hearing. I want to convey to the judge that I am both responsible enough to take care of my children yet still able to maintain the level of class and sophistication that so many single moms leave by the wayside.

  61. kate.beesley at 9:23 pm

    I would wear my mask to teach my 9th grade English class. We’re reading Lord of the Flies. I will introduce myself as the Lady of the Flies.

  62. stefanieclaire at 9:28 pm

    Too bad I already have my driver’s license: Imagine the fear you could strike into the hearts of DMV employees by taking your driver’s test in this! Maybe I could persuade my little sister…

  63. Bombshellshocked at 9:29 pm

    I’d wear it to a Girl Scout Jamboree, which will be full of people who actually know what a slip knot is and know to tie them.

  64. RUWhimsicle at 9:33 pm

    I’d wear mine to collect tolls on the New Jersey turnpike. I’d also wear a f#@ktastic set of Yanni Nail tips, just to challenge myself. Fist pumps instead of thank yous…

  65. RobinSwartz at 9:37 pm

    I already have the Snooki wig so I would compliment that with the mask and stand next to the pickles in the grocery store looking for a juice head to smoosh!

  66. Whysitsticky at 9:41 pm

    Ok, my last post was too mean apparently, I’ll try again, ( and be nice this time.) I’d wear it to a Dominoe’s pizza & see if I could make it out alive…

  67. crimson_intl at 9:45 pm

    April, you’re my hero ~wouldn’t we all just love to have the %@!$ to say exactly what we feel?! but alas, we’re cowards…

    I NEED a Snookie mask so I can catch the BF cheating, he’ll never recognize me in it and I can spit on the two lovebirds as I pass by…help a sister out would you?

  68. April_Winchell at 9:48 pm

    Bombshellshocked, are you saying that’s NOT a slipknot? What is a slipknot then? HOW CAN I TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO CRAFT IF I CAN’T IDENTIFY KNOTS

  69. EBarber at 9:48 pm

    Oh my god, dude, you have no IDEA where I would wear this thing. Shopping, to the beach, hell, I’d probably strap it on and go to work. Nothing says “Hi, welcome to [fast food restaurant]” like a hair-raising tumor and orange glow make-up. I think it’d go great with my Olsen twin mask set.

  70. jnifrwebb at 9:51 pm

    On the nights my husband stays up late playing video games like a teenager, I’d wear it to bed. Perhaps rolling over and finding himself next to The Snooki Monster would be enough to scare him out of playing them for a while…

  71. AlanThug at 9:51 pm

    Instead of putting this on your head, tape it to a fleshlight and you’ll never be able to tell the difference from the real thing.

  72. fuyuko83 at 9:54 pm

    I would no-$#!* wear it to the ANTH201 Introduction to Anthropology class that I TA at lah-tee-dah Rice University in Houston, Tx.

  73. Rx_forlife at 9:55 pm

    I would wear this to class after a night of drinking so nobody can see how crappy I look. I might even get drunk and go knock on random doors in my apartment complex just to see what people would say to see a freakin’ 5’9″ Snooki standing there!

  74. iunifera at 9:55 pm

    I would wear the Snooki mask to my children’s karate studio. I figure they’ll all go nuts and ask me for my autograph, and I can tell them all that I’m actually the future Snooki, come by in a time machine to thrill them all and warn them of the dangers of the limelight.

  75. Bombshellshocked at 9:57 pm

    Sorry April, it isn’t a slipknot. If we were in the same room and had a piece of string I’d show you. For now you might have to do a google search for “how to tie a slip knot”.

    I will gladly learn any craft you are teaching, as long as there is alcohol available… which is pretty much just like Girl Scout camp!

  76. RegretsyThug_MuthaFkrs at 10:06 pm

    Sadly as a shut-in creating dustbunny steampunk cozies for Etsy I don’t get out much. But I would let my dog, who cannot resist the smell of another dog’s butt, wear it.

  77. cdmarine at 10:32 pm

    April, I am totally serious about this offer: I am being in-vitro fertilized in a couple of weeks. If you send me one of these, I will wear it on the table, and I will provide photographic proof. I may even have to have one of the doctors take the picture if it all goes down on a day my husband can’t be there. (pantsmonkey)

  78. stagenameTigerlily at 10:40 pm

    April- really someday i look forward to a happy hour over which I can just tell you have fabulous you are.

    I would wear this incredible thing while giving a lap dance! Indeed, i am an entertainer at a gentlemans club and who wouldn’t want to get a lap dance from Snookie (correction: who hasn’t?) and let’s see snookie whip out some pole tricks!

  79. Clarion at 10:47 pm

    Wearing the face of the Shakespeare of our times, snooki, would certainly help this graduate student produce insightful, intellectually stimulating research papers.

  80. loveseahag at 10:52 pm

    I will wear it to IKEA to buy meatballs and lingdonberry jam in the cafe for lunch on Monday. Then scare all the pregnant women in Nesting Mode who are buying Billy bookshelves. Then pick up my fiance from his colonoscopy.

  81. AndrewOneHalf at 10:57 pm

    I would SO wear this mask to class. Being a vocal music major, I’d love to get the chance to perform drunk, while having a viable and obvious excuse strapped to my face.

    Plus my singing will improve because everyone will be distracted by the horrible bouffant on my head.

  82. Bombshellshocked at 11:00 pm

    April, I know you wanted to hear from others, but since no one else spoke up, I’ll answer. I believe the knot to tied is called a “Girth hitch”. Really, I couldn’t make it up.

  83. Razberries at 11:15 pm

    I would wear the mask to the local library. I really don’t think Snooki is much of a reader. What book would she be reading? Your choice. Or obviously something brainy, like “War and Peace” or something…

  84. April_Winchell at 11:20 pm

    Razberries, I think Snooki would be reading the “PULL” sign on the front door. Just kind of sounding it out.

    Or a book on how to tie a girth hitch.

  85. Suebe53 at 11:24 pm

    I would wear this on the Seastreak ferry from Wall St to Atlantic Highlands,NJ to the shore. Definitely on one of the Friday pm ‘appy hour’ boats so I’ll be drunk anyway and can get the crew to ply me with free wine the entire ride. then they can wheel me down the boat ramp and dock after I pass out.

  86. ChristineMiddleton at 11:28 pm

    I will wear it next month to the hospital when I go into labor and that mask will be the first thing she sees when she comes into this world. As she starts wailing in horror, thinking they gave her to the wrong mommy, I wll remove the mask and inform baby that no matter how mean she thinks I am, it could always be worse.

  87. Makala at 11:32 pm

    OMEFFINGG that is the funniest crafting blog I have ever seen-well actually its the first, but still funny $#!%! And I love that you punched her eyes out with star shaped punch…so really you can see drunken stars–just like Snookie. Thanks so much April for your humor–today I needed it!

  88. FaithLove at 11:32 pm

    I will wear it on the Today show, where I will tell Matt Lauer with a straight face that I do not have a drinking problem. And then I will take a swig from the flask tucked under my left boob.

  89. TaraBoissoneault at 11:35 pm

    I would get my daughter to wear this to the meeting with her specialist in two weeks. We’re beginning the process of having her diagnosed with attention deficit disorder. I’m sure wearing it would speed up the process!

  90. lewolfpack at 11:35 pm

    I would wear it in the lemur exhibit at the zoo. I think the lemurs would be enriched by Snooki’s presence there or possibly traumatized forever, I’m not sure which.

  91. Razberries at 11:44 pm

    April, if I am one of the lucky few, I will do just that! Our town seems pretty snooty, so it would be extra funny…Snooki could also sit in the children’s reading corner and read something remedial…or I could have a pic taken in the Boston Public Library…

  92. ChrissJones at 11:56 pm

    I’m one of those crazy library storytime ladies. I’m doing a library Fancy Nancy tea party soon where all the kids will be coming dressed in their fake pearls, tiaras and bedazzled princess gowns. Snooki definitely needs to come, too.

  93. SofaCitySweetheart at 11:58 pm

    I can imagine no better Mardi Gras mask than the patron saint of fermentation.

    I’m finally self-employed (thanks to Etsy), and plan to booze it up like nobody’s business this year at the parades.

  94. gaffagirl1 at 12:28 am

    I would go to the most expensive cosmetics counter at Saks 5th Avenue and ask for a makeover- in the most deadpan, playin’ it straight tone of voice possible, and be completely incredulous when they refuse and I’m escorted out of the store by security.

  95. beta_turn at 12:40 am

    I’m in medical school. I would wear it while doing rounds on the wards in the hospital for my internship. Not only would it lend me an air of sophisticated intelligence, it would also earn me the confidence of my patients.

  96. thegooddoublec at 12:42 am

    I would wear it in the Parisian Metro during rush hour whilst going to work. And I’ll yell at other commuters saying things like “hey, it ain’t my problem tha’chyouse don’t speak American- move over!”.

  97. MildandLazy at 1:28 am

    I would hot glue swarovski crystals on her eyelids and add some clock parts earings and see who hearts me and sends me nice convos.

  98. Magenta2011 at 1:57 am

    I’d sport the Snooki with a pair of crotch-less leggings, swigging a rootbeer and Jag, while cleaning the feral neighborhood cat urine off my backdoor.

  99. christmas at 1:59 am

    i work for an artist.. i’d wear this for his upcoming appointment with potential buyers from the smithsonian. i was planning on lounging around smoking and acting like an idiot for them anyways.

  100. babazoobee at 2:26 am

    this is what happens, boys and girls, to child stars.

    but i’d wear it to my daughter’s room in the middle of the night when she’s called me to her room for the third time….maybe the sh** scared out of her would make her stop interrupting MY good sleep…?

  101. VanDeThuggle at 2:26 am

    Damn. If you’d posted this a couple of weeks ago I could have worn it to the State of the Union and tried to convince people I was John Boehner. He has the same skin tone.

  102. jillybean73 at 2:33 am

    I will bejewel it and use the BBQ trick to even my complexion. I will adorn my whole self with as much glitter as humanly possible with the aid of craft glue and liquor. I will wear it out dancing and trolling the town as I get all hopped up on Grand Marnier and hit on loose boys 2 decades my junior. On the way to the car I will probably pass out in a bush somewhere and wake up the next day to rogue chipmunks and birds contemplating nesting in my fake “bump.”

  103. NanceDaunisEpstein at 2:57 am

    Freakin’ hilarious!! This will definitely be my Mardi Gras costume this year! Thank you, April and long live Regretsy!

  104. leveleded at 3:44 am

    Dang, my brilliant Haiku that rhymed all sorts of words with Snookie was deemed inappropriate. Why hasn’t this entire craft page been deemed inappropriate and taken down? :o)

  105. Nitchole at 4:12 am

    I would wear it to my University, so that I can infiltrate the pumpkin colored ranks of the various sorrorities on campus and replace their self-tanning lotion with skin bleaching cream.

  106. unseeliepixie at 4:23 am

    I nominate ChrissJones for a mask… library story hour would be perfect. Hopefully the book would be “Everybody Poops.”

  107. chelsealahern at 4:34 am

    I would wear it to Seaside Heights, NJ where I’m sure I could even convince the Pickle Queen herself that *I* am the real Snooki.

  108. apiacente26 at 4:34 am

    First off – your last picture made me LOL so hard I nearly choked on my potato chips. That being said, I would wear it to work. I work at a VS in a jerseyesque part of PA… I’m preeeetty sure customers, especially the young impressionable girls, would think I was her and buy more things. haha

  109. SamanthaB at 4:35 am

    I would so wear this to the doctors office! I’ll fit right in! I can talk on my cell phone in my loudest possible voice and with a bit (okay a bottle or two) of self tanner no one would give me dirty looks at all, they wouldn’t even notice me, I’d blend right in! And if that doesn’t work out I could always make a trip to the dollar store.

  110. kaitrinhopedreams at 4:35 am

    I work for a college news station, so I think it’s only appropriate that I would wear this mask on air.

    Possibly during weather…

  111. steph4011 at 4:43 am

    I shall wear the Snooki mask as I experience the excitement of the Amish colonies first hand, with a bus load of “vintage” ladies and gentlemen. But which of my bedazzled Keds and basket purses coordinates with Miss Polizzi’s visage? Oh the possibilities are endless! i do hope we stop by some antique malls on the way!

  112. DannaHarmon-Snider at 4:55 am

    I’d probably wear this to my kids’ school programs…… because what 4th grade musical rendition of Abe Lincolns’ life doesn’t need a little Snookie?

  113. MCrites at 5:00 am

    Oh, I would coerce a certain person into wearing this to spice things up on V-day. And by V-day I of course mean Soviet Victory Day, when we all celebrate the fall of the Third Reich. *hearts*

  114. CassandraSimplex at 5:18 am

    I’ve reached for the missing “Like” button a dozen times, but had to register just to vote for the Snooki goalie mask. If Fleury can wear Kermit, ANYONE can wear Snooki!

  115. darklyfey at 5:19 am

    Two places: into the OR at my upcoming surgery (and in the hospital while recuperating), and in front of the Michael Jackson home in Gary, Indiana. Bonus: you’ll get photos.

  116. Spockerella at 5:21 am

    I will wear this on my rear, so that I could squash her with my thunder thighs. It is my sworn duty to rid the world of stupid people, bad drivers, and tapioca pudding.

  117. AngelaRolfesBishop at 5:45 am

    I will wear my Snooki mask to drop off and pick up my 5 year old from preschool. All the moms at that Methodist Church preschool will be thrilled, surely.

  118. NoRegretsy at 6:23 am

    Okay ibe nore try. I’ll wear it to work at the hotel where I actually have a real craft table. Then as I sit there half buried in beads, clasps, wire, thread and my signed labels, maybe customers will stop asking ” Do you MAKE this jewelry yourself ????”

  119. Clarrisa at 6:30 am

    Hahaha! You got me there, April…it was just the first thing to come to mind.
    Well then I’d like to wear it with a Star Trek TOG uniform and Vulcan ears to f*cking ComiCon. Spock + Snooki 4eva.

  120. Tygerlil at 6:46 am

    I would have to wear this to the semi-formal ‘MasQueeRade’ ball this weekend – it’s a big fab LGBTQ par-tay (not to be confused with Gay diner sandwich night – GBLT); I am sure Snooki would love to attend. For reals.
    Afterwards, I could tie the mask over my orange pillow, and I would sit Snooki next to me so we could laugh and drink and eat pickles…and watch the only show that has more makeup and falsies of all kinds than Jersey Shore: RuPaul’s Drag Race.

    We’d root for the fiercest queens, duh!

  121. skbelile at 7:02 am

    Well, I had to quit drinking so I don’t know if I could really do the glorious and rare “find of a lifetime” Snooki mask its due justice. However, I can say that my last 3 years of sobriety have been, with a doubt, the worst years of my life.
    Just.
    Awful.
    I would love to pretend to be a hot, drunk, mess again. I sincerely miss it.
    I was really good at it. I think.

  122. toasterdog at 7:10 am

    I have a friend who is turning 21 soon [it’s not like age has effected our drinking habits or anything – we’ve been hot messes for a while now]. Her birthday party is going to be funeral themed. I’ve been debating on what I should wear, but now I think a Snooki face mask would be perfect for the occasion.

  123. socklette at 8:21 am

    I would wear this to the Amsterdam red light district and attempt to confuse the hookers by Irish dancing outside their windows.

  124. skid250 at 8:22 am

    I would wear the Snooki mask to my local gay bar, which plays showtunes several nights a week (duuuh). WTF: “Jersey Shore” is sure to make it to Broadway, right? And I’ll be remembered as the person so ahead of their time.

  125. Ember66 at 8:29 am

    I would wear the Snooki mask when I go for my pap smear test. I’d put the sheet over my body and wait to see which end the nurse approaches with the speculum.

  126. Ninikins at 8:43 am

    I would wear it, pick up and hold my fleabag Persian cat and stand in a kids playground. Those kids will never sleep again. I will stand there till they realise that I am the TV Uberskank and start vocalising this at me. I will drink heavily in this process, just like Snooki.

  127. Kiteria at 11:02 am

    I would wear a Snookie mask then stand over my husband while he sleeps, like the girl did on the movie paranormal activity.. It would add an infinite degree of creepiness when he wakes up face to face with her.

  128. jessiboo at 12:59 pm

    Well, I would have to say that I would do it in memory of my Father. He would wear a gorilla mask while driving the car sometimes. I would take this whimsicle little ****er and wear it on my face while driving my car. Better yet I’ll get pictures going through our coffee drive thru if I win! My husband would likely cringe but I love to be the center of attention, what can I say. You wouldn’t believe the weird looks people give 😀

  129. DeliriumTremens at 3:25 pm

    Well, I’m an attorney- in NJ no less. So obviously I’d be wearing this mask to court. I’d just have to hope to God that she doesn’t have any more outstanding warrants…

  130. mobarka at 4:06 pm

    I’ve got a show opening at a major Las Vegas property shortly and I’d love to incorporate this piece of whimsical f*****y into it. Plus I’ve already got the mustache.

  131. pandahugger at 4:31 pm

    I would wear this to work. I teach at an elementary school, and I want to show my girls that you can be anything you want to be in life if you just try your best. Alternatively, you could paint yourself orange, hump everything you see, drink until you get arrested, and STILL be a raging success. Then we’d all take shots (kool-aid for them) and fist pump. Class dismissed.

  132. claralyn.kl at 4:33 pm

    I’m a nurse, and work nights at a nursing home. One little lady is from Peru, and she has Alzheimer’s. She was a mail order bride, and gets very lonely to go back home and forgets that she is in America. One night while watching Jersey Shore on TV, she seen Snookie and told me in broken English that she reminded her of her granddaughter. I’d like to wear it to work to make her happy when she’s upset to make her feel more at home.

  133. shellbeal4 at 5:06 pm

    I work for a jail, Id LOVE to wear this mask to work. Might make the people im around all day feel like they are out at the bar!!! Of course I would have to wear it home so I could wear it to take my teenage daughter to cheerleading pratice, I think a snookie mask would make doing jumps and splits MUCH more fun!!!!!!

  134. StephanieDavis at 5:17 pm

    Since the Houston Rodeo BBQ Cook-off is coming up, I think this mask would be most appropriate. I mean what says “Let’s get drunk and party” better than a bunch of girls already sporting the trailer trash look? Besides, BBQ sauce to be had in vast amounts to keep my coloring jussssst right.

  135. thebaconfairy at 6:17 pm

    I will wear this with my upcycled rhinestone glingers and a steampunk top hat whist giving a lecture on visual culture at an art school. I shall also wear the aforementioned attire at a health food carrot convention where my new skin colour shall not draw any undue attention. I am pretty sure these events call for an english accent.

  136. ernieoporto at 6:31 pm

    I would make sure I haven’t shaved my face for a couple of days, secure my Snookie mask firmly in place, walk into a bar on Thursday nigh with this on, walk behind the bar to switch the TV to MTV. Then sit right in front of the TV, leaning forward over the bar, with my attention planted right on the TV saying stuff like “C’mon Snookie baby! Come to pappi!!”

  137. lanelese at 6:36 pm

    To save time, I will wear this mask to my son’s next parent-teacher conference. The teacher will find the answers to all of her questions about why Little Johnny does X,Y,Z just looking into the hole-punched eyes of my whimsicle fckery.

  138. KenKen21326 at 7:40 pm

    I’m a MOH in a wedding propelled entirely by Etsy… I’m talking hair pieces to peacock shoes to Etsy mustaches as wedding favors… I’m feeling the need to include a litlle bit of Regretsy as my MOH contribution… And what screams Regretsy more than bridal pictures with Snookies face and a trendy hipster mustache to remember the big day.

  139. lesleyd at 8:43 pm

    I’ve been looking for wedding favors at my wedding! This would totally go along with my “I don’t give a damn what you do” theme. 🙂 Wedding is in Vicksburg where casinos are everywhere. I may have a contest with the folks that attend. I could so see my grandma playing the slots with the sooki mask on.

  140. ErinOrdway at 9:21 pm

    Dearest April,

    Thank you for the laugh. I’ve successfully re-posted this to my Facebook wall in order to share the Oompa Loompa love with those I associate with. As receiving a Snooki mask made by you would pretty much make my life, I’ve devised a clever and cunning plan with which to sway you in my favor. Are you ready? Hold on to your creepy glove hat…here we go.

    First of all, I have absolutely no sob stories to tell you. Isn’t that refreshing? Everybody’s got their problems–you’re a busy lady, you don’t need to hear mine. Next, I will let you know that I plan to do entirely frivolous things while wearing this mask, once you’ve decided I’m the perfect owner. Like, opening jars of sweet pickles. I also make a mean sandwich. Undoubtedly, I will construct and consume multiple sandwiches whilst wearing this mask.

    And, since I am a senior in college, I’m mostly looking forward to going to a party-like get together while wearing this mask and proceeding to get incredibly inebriated

  141. ErinOrdway at 9:22 pm

    …I think people would be shocked to see Snooki of all people falling down drunk. The juxtaposition of her usual character traits with my wild actions would leave the entire room shocked and amazed! Can you imagine? Snooki–drinking?

    Finally, as I am a huge fan of Funny or Die’s “Drunk History” series (please go watch it if you haven’t already), I’ve committed myself to several taping sessions of my own within my group of friends. They will be glorious and of slightly lower quality than the original, but I can only reach my full drunken potential with the help of you and your crafting skills, ma’am. But wait–there’s more! Should you choose me as one of your lucky three, I assure you that I will return the favor by constructing an intricately crafted something-or-another with copious amounts of hot glue involved–just for you.

    This is probably too long and you didn’t read–you are quite the busy lady–but I’m praying you took a moment to. Because I can’t wait to make that YouTube

  142. ErinOrdway at 9:22 pm

    …video in your honor. Help me, April Winchell, you are my only hope!

    With fourteen barrels of hope and a pile of gluesticks,

    Erin

    Post-Script: I’ve spammed your comment wall. No regrets.

  143. BrianMatthewSellars at 10:34 pm

    I would totally wear this next week to my last visit with my probation officer. After 3 years of fun with him, it will be something fun for him to remember me by.

  144. rumorsofmydemise at 12:44 am

    What a wonderful idea! Now I have something to wear to my grandmother’s funeral and I don’t have to worry about messing up my make up…or pinning in my bump-it! Grandma would have loved it too since the liver disease turned her skin into a citrus shade JUST LIKE SNOOKI! It’s like my grandmother is Snooki only dead…which is actually BETTER now that I think of it. Can I have one for grandma too? That way I can get a discount from the undertaker since he only has to do half her makeup.

  145. daviddeanparker at 12:47 am

    I would wear my snooki mask to an AA meeting, cause god knows real snooki aint gonna go unless its part of a plea bargain.

  146. beth_roses at 2:01 am

    I would accessorize with mukluks, hep C, and a bin bag trousers and my favourite all natural baked bean moisturiser and wear it to an upcoming avatar convention, where I will run screaming incoherantly, at all the Na’vi in an eyewateringly tasteless clash of blue and orange.

  147. CindyBaker at 2:02 am

    I would arrange a reading of A Shore Thing at my local big-box bookstore and wear my Snooki mask to to it, delivering only the most primo selections from Regretsy’s gawdawfullest flounces.

    What time would the reading be scheduled for? T-SHIRT TIME!!

  148. caitlinthequeenofeverything at 2:29 am

    Grocery shopping, doing laundry, to the movies, to the butchers, taking the kids to schoool, ….everyday, all day…perfect accessory for everything…this way I dont have to do my hair or makeup when going out……..

  149. temikalols at 2:32 am

    I have my university clinical psychology placement next month. I swear on all things wrong with people’s brains, I will ironically wear your Snooki mask to my board-assigned drug and alcohol rehabilitation clinic.

  150. Little_Redheaded_Girl at 2:48 am

    Wear it? Where WOULDN’T I wear it? Frankly, I would just never take it off. Imagine traipsing to college with my Snookie mask, all glammed up with my skants and glingers and tanning creme fascinator. In fact, I should probably just get one of these and graft it to my face to save myself all the effort and embarresment of having to take it off to sleep. This would obviously change my life. A nerd no more!!!

  151. SnarkMouse at 3:08 am

    I would wear the Snooki mask to Mass when Ash Wednesday rolls around. The higher the poof, the closer to God, you know. The mask will conveniently allow me to partake of communion (I want two wafers…in my face!), while allowing my own forehead to remain ash-free underneath. Afterward, I will sneak my be-masked self into the sacristy to finish off the communion wine with my homeboy, Jesus “The Crucifixion” Christ.

  152. digitalmisfit at 6:40 am

    I think I would rock this Snooki mask at my nephew’s wedding this summer. Nothing says “formal military wedding” like a big haired ho!

  153. Bronc_Drywall at 6:58 pm

    If I were a woman I would wear the mask over my [statement redacted] when I made a visit to the [doctor who examines lady parts].
    Please pardon my language.

  154. WhoWantstoKnow at 6:58 pm

    After Elizabeth Taylor dies, I would wear it to a seance and ask her what was the kinkiest thing she ever did with Michael Jackson. I would record it and sell the resulting interview to Weekly World News for a million dollars. Immabe rich, man.

  155. diannel61 at 8:19 pm

    Do you think she will write a sequel, oh imagine getting her from the nose down, we could have a full face mask….Now think of the places we could go….

  156. chinaski59 at 11:46 pm

    I tried to put the mask on my Jerry Mahoney doll, whom (not *which*) I take everywhere. He refused to wear the thing. And I went to all that trouble….

  157. Noey1210 at 12:59 am

    I’d wear this to work. It would probably be the only time Snooki would be REALLY employed! You know, instead of prancing around in front of MTV cameras all day. (Isn’t that a form of prostitution anymore?)

  158. DianaCrites at 2:00 am

    I would wear this mask when I gathered with my financial consultant to discuss taxes and personal investments! Fascinating, amiright?

  159. MilkTeaAddiction at 4:22 am

    I’d wear it to a bank robbery. Though Jersey Shore has already made so much money, I figured asking for a bit more in a Snooki mask wasn’t too much of a stretch.

  160. niftyknits at 11:43 am

    I’d wear mine … in the UK. Which would confuse the hell out of everyone, cos if they’re like me they’ve never heard of snooki 😉

  161. Kerplaah at 3:38 pm

    I would take this to the bar, so when I get smashed into oblivion, I can call my ride, put this on, and sneak a bottle of girl beer outside. Who could resist laughing at a fat, drunken man in a Snooki mask, completely hammered, waiting for a ride sitting on the curb?

  162. Skoobydude at 4:27 pm

    wait, it’s missing something.. oh.. 4 fake tanned, roided up jersey jerkoffs…

    and you could also put a little black on one eye

  163. KimMcReynolds at 4:45 pm

    OMG! That is awesome! Now, to answer the question at hand – where would I wear the mask? Where would I NOT wear the mask?! I’d wear it to the post office. To Starbux. To Target. Running my daily errands. To the redbox machine in Walmart. You name it! That is the bomb!!!

  164. JJCooperider at 6:06 pm

    I would wear this mask to a poetry slam where I would recite an epic poem on the moral turpitude of today’s youth called “Threat Level Orange.”

  165. squeebone at 9:37 pm

    I would attach all my grandma’s old screw-on rhinestone earrings around the outside for extra bling, then wear it to the dinner theatre. I’d say the opera, but I have a feeling they’d throw me out.

  166. KirstenRanaGunderson at 11:01 pm

    I would make one for my pug, because after all she will put anything and everything in her mouth (and I wouldn’t have to rescale Snooki’s face), but I fear that all that skankiness would reverse my pug’s spaying.

  167. fighton10 at 7:59 pm

    I would wear mine on missions here in Afghanistan, or on our camp so I can illegally drink with our Allies and say it was Snooki not me. If you send enough for my whole Female Engagement Team, I think we can set women’s rights back at least another century. One issue: my commander might make me take it off if I can’t wrangle the pouf to fit properly under my gas mask.

  168. netlingit at 7:12 pm

    I would wear my Snooki mask every time I was in Cranston RI because Snooki would fit in very well there. I never felt comfortable in Cranston mainly because of the over abundance of Guidos and Brendas that tend to gather around the place. It’s significant that Pauly D comes from RI. He epitomizes the beautiful people that use to sport leisure suits and gold chains in the seventies. Although Pauly D comes from Johnston I bet he has aspirations of living in Federal Hill or Cranston. Anyway, I could also wear them to my sister’s Game Nights to impress my friends with my current cultural knowledge and to my Mother’s Marine Biology talks so that the intelligentsia feels that the common folk have the ambition to further themselves even thought they’re really stuck on watching the hip shows on tv.
    Oh yeah, my Dad who has dementia would get a kick out of it if I showed up every morning with it on. (Truly he would. He has a good sense of humor and likes “cute girls”)

  169. isisofsun at 3:32 am

    I would wear a Snooki mask to church to see if it would burst into flames. And if not, at least everyone in Youth Group would get a kick out of it.

  170. kwheezy at 12:15 am

    I’m going to be speaking at my college graduation…Due to state budget cuts for California schools, they screwed me out of my 100 free printed pages per quarter…I cannot make one, so I’m going to need that mask. I plan to speak about the importance of continuing education and I feel the mask would truly hit home with my audience. It will also be extremely handy later in the night to shield my shame, when after a drunken panic attack over whether or not I’m going to need to start stripping to pay off my student loans, I black out over my framed bachelor’s degree. Please and thank you!

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