Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and as one of the world’s least loved holidays, I think it’s high time we created a list of some of the worst gifts you could possibly give or receive. It’s not too hard to find these, sadly, and I’m sure many a recipient has received them or something like them.
First up, there’s no faster way to a woman’s heart than letting her know she’s sporting a double-chin with the Neck Genie Neck Line Slimmer. It’s only $13, and as a woman, I can say that at least I have thought about this from time to time for myself, so if my partner gave this to me on V-Day, I think I’d be incredibly annoyed…and then start using it immediately after kicking said partner to the couch for the night. If you really want to ensure this gift is taken to heart, include a poem to sweeten the mood: Roses are red; violets are blue – your neck is fat, so I bought this for you. Yep. Pure romance.
Next up is The Ex – Knife Holder, the best gift you can gift to your partner to let them know how much you love them and that if they ever cheat on you or hurt you or look at you wrong, there are severe consequences that can be met. What? It’s not like I’ve thought about this or anything. Also, look – shiny! It actually comes with a set of awesome knives, so, you know, it’s totally practical too. And your significant other will certainly treat you right after a gift like this.
Last but not least, if you can’t afford the sweeping romantic gesture of buying real flowers for your partner, try this 8-Bit Flower Bouquet of awesomeness. The selling points for this lovely gift include: you never have to water them, it comes with a free pixelated vase, and it’s cheap-o-mccheap at just $15 from ThinkGeek. Why spend a fortune on something that’s just going to wither, when she can appreciate these pixels as long as she wants. Let her be your pixelated princess. If she doesn’t like it…well you should probably have a backup bouquet on standby.