One of the things I love most about shopping on Amazon is they have everything I need. But they also have lots of things that nobody needs. I decided to investigate further and bought the 3 most useless or obnoxious items I could find on Amazon – the Girlfriend Body Pillow, BIC For Her Pens, and a Banana Slicer.
Were any of them worthwhile in any way or was it just a pit of despair? Find out in the video:
GRANT PARDEE, HOST:
Hey guys, my name is Grant and today we’ll be reviewing some of the most notorious worst products available that you can buy on Amazon.com.
First up, we have this horrifying abomination. This is the Girlfriend Body Pillow available for $24.99 from Deluxe Comfort. One of the best features is that it’s horrifying! With one arm and a platypus bill hand and of course, to indicate that it’s a girlfriend pillow, two bizarre breasts. It’s certainly one of the saddest things I’ve seen in my life. I spent almost $30 on this. There is a boyfriend pillow. It is blue. He’s wearing a blue collared shirt and his hand is flesh colored. He’s also more expensive. What are you trying to say there? A woman’s only home to be pink and suffering from her yellow hands disease? This is a horrifying thing.
Second product on the most notorious list comes from Bic with the Bic Crystal For Her Pens. They’re smaller and thinner for a woman’s delicate hands. They’re colorful in Easter colors because women love Easter! I guess! I don’t know. They’re $10! That seems like a lot for a normal Bic pen. It’s $10 for 16 pens, $6 for 24 normal pens. So it’s $6 for 24 normal pens, $10 for 16 of these pens. That means that it costs 30% more to buy pens as a lady than for a guy which is also weird because on average women earn 30% less than men, meaning that overall to Bic, women’s handwriting is 60% less valuable than a man’s. Good job Bic, you did it. Well done, you pieces of (bleep). So, let’s try out the Bic For Her pen with my delicate hands. Finished.
I got this Hutzler Banana Slicer available on Amazon for $2.99, for all those times when you’re like, “I gotta slice a banana with a really cute thing.” It’s hard to say that you could really waste $2.91, and yet the Hutzler Banana Slicer makes a case for it. You know all those old clumsy ways you’ve been slicing bananas? It doesn’t work. It’s impossible. How do people do this? Look over, Buster Brown, there’s a banana slicer in town. All right. It’s a really nice slice of banana actually. This is a really nice– okay, you tell me which one’s from the banana slicer, which one’s from me? It all goes down the same, though.
I change my mind. Banana Slicer, the best way you can spend $2.91 on Amazon and Amazon Prime. Brilliant. It’s going to be a big hit this season.
So these products were really depressing and with this one, the most depressing one, I decided to make a new friend. It has assumed its true form: something that should probably be on “Ahh Real Monsters.” Thanks for watching. Bye!
Grant Pardee is a comedian originally from Ohio living in Los Angeles. He has performed at Bridgetown and SF Sketchfest, the Improv, Upright Citizens Brigade, and many other places, too. He contributes articles to VICE, and in 2013 the webseries he created, wrote and produced “Happy Place” was a finalist for the Comedy Central Short Pilot Competition at the New York Television Festival. Follow him on twitter @grantpa